Sunday, December 27, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
I honestly enjoyed my Christmas with my family. I might not have did much and we might not be as together like most families, but we ate, watched TV and enjoyed each other's company. There are alot of things that I wanted, but I already have the things that I need. I have my life, my good health and my family, so I'm good.
I'm going to keep it 100. I don't want to see or hear ANYONE complaining today, seriously. We (people I know and myself) are so much better off and have a lot more than most people have but yet, some people are still complaining about not getting the new Space Jam Jordans or some Gucci handbag or money from their family members. On some G ish, you gotta be kidding me. My homeboy went to a homeless shelter with his family and gave out gifts. That touched my heart because we take and take and take, but don't find the time to give. Some people need to look into their hearts and stop being so selfish and spoiled. We're so materialistic and self indulged that we don't see the bigger picture in life.
I just had to get that off my chest because life has changed me and my outlook on certain things and people still have childish thoughts. Yes, we're young. Yes, we want the quality things in life. Yes, we want money. But life is bigger than tangible and worldly things.
If you felt offended by reading this, there's nothing I can do about that. I wrote this in hopes that the reader would think twice about themselves and the things they do. This was intended to somewhat uplift and enlighten, not depress or upset. All in all, find the silver lining in every cloud. It's possble :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I'm tryna go home (Brooklyn) for New Years/New Years Eve. I know a lot of people would appreciate that, including myself. I haven't been to Brooklyn since August. I miss going home terribly, like, it kills me inside almost everyday, lol.
There was a hashtag on twitter (Follow me @OnlyDaniB), #factaboutme and I had one that needed more than 140 characters, lol. 1 fact about me is that I'm greedy with my friends. I don't like to share my friends with my other friends. I don't really mind my circles to end up looking like a venn diagram but I feel insignificant when my friend from 1 circle hangs out with another friend from another circle and I'm not there. Kinda feels like I'm getting cheated on. I've never liked that and now that it's happening so often, it just makes me feel more insignificant. Lately, I've secluded myself from everyone, possibly because of what I've been going through and I don't feel like most of my friends would understand or empathize. In all honesty, I don't mind being secluded and somewhat cut off from everyone because I have my own issues to deal with. There are times where I just don't want to hear your "strife" because it's the same shit over and over again.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sometimes I say things that only make sense to me.
My mind is just on a roll with these thoughts; they're coming at me a mile a minute.
Does isolation hinder or assist? I guess it can go either way. I don't mind being alone, being by myself, but when I come back to the "world", I want to be welcomed with open arms. If I don't get that from the world and I get all the recognition and attention from being alone, which would you pick?
I know that I can push people away or ignore them or not even make the effort to get to know someone better or even allow someone to get to know me. I'm just stuck in my way of keeping to myself and thinking that everyone is against me.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
that. She's been my hair muse for a while now and now I'm ready to make that leap. I'm thinking about cutting it to the length that has catapulted her into a fashion icon, you know, the short do. Not sure if it will fit my face or if it will look good on me. They have websites for things like that, so I'll look into it, lol.
Deep down, I'm gonna miss the "length" of my hair, but it's hair; it will grow back. By cutting it, it'll give it the chance to grow possibly stronger and healthier. Regardless if you're hair is short or long, the first thing you should want, is for your hair to be healthy.
I'm thinking about the times I've been with Sexy 6 (Whitney, Naeemah, Jarena, Egypt, Shazel) and we just cracking jokes, reminisicing about the high school days, acting the damn fool and just LAUGHING. Now when I come home, I get to see my lil "niece" Samaya, a new baby in my life, lol.
I'm thinking about all the times me and Milly would be at her house just acting SO stupid and all the new friends I made through her. Her father joking on me and us just laughing like fools, lol. Me tryna find something to eat in her house, it ever fails. I'm thinking about the times I would be chilling with Alley and just talking about life, talking about relationships, throwing little funny things in to say. Then all three of us hanging and it's never a dull moment, NEVER, lol. Hanging out with Dorian, just being so stupid and acting like true brother and sister. Chillin with Rholan's ass and him always saying something to just have me giggle. I'm always in a good mood when I'm with him or any of these people.
All these people have a special place in my heart and I miss them so much. I've been so stressed in D.C. and I truly need a break. Being in the presence of these special people makes everything better and I would love to experience that ASAP. I have to wait until December though. It'll be well worth it though, I'm so excited, lol.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I just want to go away and I can't even do that. The places I want to go, I have no way to get there.
I'm up. I'm down. I'm like a flat line, that's the best way I can explain it.
Have you ever just wanted to throw everything away? Just stop everything for a while and just be.
I feel trapped.
I just want it to stop.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I have no job and I hardly have any food in my kitchen. My dad sent me some groceries, but it hasn't gotten here yet. I've hardly been eating since Sunday and my stomach is just on empty. I feel sick because I have only been eating once a day. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I'm trying so hard to see the good in every situation I'm in. I keep telling myself that it can only get better. I went to an open house today and it went really well.
I'm just so frustrated. I honestly have no friends to talk to because, no one's trying to hear my plight, no one is going through what I'm going through, no one has anything worthy to say about my situation and no one is willing to help. I feel lonely. The only person I can talk to about this is my mom and Kevin and I'm grateful for that because if I had NO ONE to talk to about what I'm going through, I would probably be depressed.
I'm just listening to Sam Sparro's "Still Hungry." Whenever I feel down, alone or borderline depressed, I listen to this song
"I'm not ungrateful, I just want more from the life I lead..."
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I'm just chilling right now under my quilt, watching TV. I would go out but
1) I'm broke
Nothing really going on with my life other than school. I've been looking for a job and I'm still looking. I'm keeping positive about it. I've gotten through this far and I'm just taking things one day at a time.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Since I've been at school, I've been busy getting my life together, waiting for things to fall into place and being patient. Nothing significantly new has happened to me.
I do miss blogging though but I just haven't had much to write.
I'm going natural, haven't had a perm since May and I'm going into my 5th month. Won't do the big chop as of yet, I'm not ready.
Guess that's it for now
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Watching this video just got me thinking ALL DAY, lol. Before I write, I must say that I love B.Scott, he is just ::sighs:: the best, lol. He be a-preaching and just...well let me just say that this is the 2nd time that I've watched a video of his that has hit a nerve with me, in a good way.
Ok, so I'm going home (Brooklyn) on Tuesday and I'm missing a lot of my friends, especially my best friends. The group of girls I spent my high school years with are the besties I miss the most. Even though we may not talk with each other often, when we come back together, we know the deal. We just have that bond and that understanding. I love them and I can honestly say that they are my true blue friends. NOW, I have another friend (who shall remain nameless) who I've been friends with for a while. I love her to death, I do, but I don't think I can continue our friendship any longer.
She is the PRIME example of a number 3 (see the B.Scott video above). Me, me, me, me, it's all about me when it comes to her. I can talk about one thing and she will somehow, someway, revert it back to herself and it's sickening. I really don't know how to break it off and I'm not too sure how to. I've told her about this before but she didn't take well to it. She wasn't like this during our whole friendship, but I guess people change you and you forget who you truely were (are). But I'll tell you this: she will be getting the heave-ho out of my life eventually.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I'm just so out of it right now. I'm just thinking about school and this house I'm supposed to move into. I haven't looked at my grades because I'm afraid of what it will tell me: if I'm still a student at Howard or not. I don't want to think negatively, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about everything, but it's just so hard. With this house, I'm filling out this rental application and I have NOTHING to show. I have no job, no source of income, NO MONEY, no nothing. I'm just hoping that the landlord knows that this is what he's getting into with college students. Then this shit is due by friday and my dad and I just started talking about it today. He's giving me the money for the security deposit and I'm so grateful for that because I have nothing. Then, I'm wondering if I should stay in Delaware to work or should I come to NY like I said I would and promised everyone I was coming home, but making money is more important, honestly. I dunno how the job market is back in NY, but I'll take anything, that McDonald's money isn't too bad when you tryna make some quick money. I know, I've worked there before.
::sighs:: I don't know too much of anything at this point. I'm just confused and I don't like feeling confused.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I probably will vlog either on my birthday or later in the week. I want to vlog, had fun doing my first one.
Um, oh yeah, my birthday is on tuesday, I'll be 20 years old (yikes). Lol, I'll probably get some cards from my fam and most likely I'll buy something for myself since my birthday gift from my mom was keeping me in school and my dad's gift is probably the security deposit he's giving me for the house. At least when I get home, I know my babes is gonna go all out for his girl.
I'm just enjoying the time I'll be here because as soon as I get to NY, I will be hitting the pavement.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Ok, so my mom says that I go on without a care in the world. In a way, I agree. If it's out of my hands, it's out of my hands, there's nothing I can do about it. I go by " things happen for a reason" and they do. But being a human, I want to know the reason right now.
Sophomore year was a hard year for me. In my first semester, I did horrible, which put me on academic probation. Now I'm at the end of my "sophomore" year, it's a possibility that I won't be coming back to Howard in the fall. I don't want to leave, my dream was to graduate from here. But if I have to leave, then I have to leave. School means a lot to me and I'll do what I have to do to make my dreams come true, but I have to deal with things one at a time. What if my life plan wasn't to be at Howard? What if I wasn't supposed to finish college? If you fight against it and choose the wrong path, you'll know because it doesn't feel right. But you know what? Being here feels right to me but there are always obstacles that get in my way. That's life for you, you gotta take the good with the bad.
I can't take negativity, I can't be around it, I can't deal with it. I live my life as positively as I can. My friend is stressed about our living situation, but it's like, you don't know the whole situation and what can possibly come from it, so you gotta stay as positive as you can. And if the shit doesn't work out, then you gotta move on. Honestly, I don't feel comfortable with going back home, not knowing where I'm going to live.
::sighs:: I have to start taking responsibility. No matter how much I don't want to grow up, I have to. I'm becoming an adult so I have to start acting and thinking like one.
Last night started off by him getting a bit upset I guess because I was laughing at something he said, something really small. So he tells me he's gonna hang with his homegirl (his good friend from H.S.). Truth be told, I get a weird vibe about this friendship. I honestly feel that either he used to like her or she used to like him. When he told me this, I just responded with 1 word answers and lied to him, telling him I was cool. I have a bad habit of doing that, saying I'm good instead of just straight out telling him how I feel. I go to sleep, wake up and he hits me up,telling me he decided to hang out with the girl. So I'm like ok,like it doesn't faze me. He knew something was wrong, but I just tried to end the convo because I knew what was coming and I knew I would get over it (at the moment) if we just stopped talking about it. But he insisted, so I went in on him.
Basically, I told him his friendship with her made me feel uncomfortable and it didn't sit well with me. The last time he saw her, he went to her house and was hanging out with her family, like playing with her baby sister and kicking it with her parents and shit. I feel like that's something you do with your girlfriend, not your friend. I don't know if I'm taking it to the heart but it just made me really emotional. I have friends and I don't be kicking it at their house like that. Even my close male friends, I'll be cool with the fam, but I'm not gonna chill over there like that. It's just weird to me, I'm not getting a normal vibe. THEN he talks to her about me. Example: the last time I came home, he was supposed to get me something to eat and I didn't eat all day because I was expecting the food. He didn't bring me anything so I was PISSED. I didn't talk to him while he took me home. we get to my house and he asks if I need help with my bags. Um, I carried my bags the way home this whole time, I don't need your help up the stairs. So he left and was like, I'll let you know when I get home. He txt's me and we're arguing via txt. So the next day, we're cool and all and I see a text to her, where he's like, oh yeah, me and her are fighting, blah blah blah, something along those lines. First of all, DO NOT talk to no next biddie about me, especially if it is a small situation. It's so bad that you have to cry to some next girl about some small shit I did, reeeaallly? You gotta be kidding me. I understand if it's a big situation and you have no clue in handling it, but something as small as a lil argument/disagreement?
::sighs:: If he thinks I'm mean, lol, he doesn't know mean because I can go IN, trust me. The things I say to him are mere child's play to what I actually want to say at times. But to spare his feelings, I hold me tounge because I know after I say those mean things, I don't mean it...well maybe not completly.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Aight, the dream I had on Sunday night, Kevin asked me to marry him and everything and I said yes. So We hugged and everything, but I started feeling (you have feelings in a dream? apparantly, yes,lol) a lil guilty because I was a little unsure about marrying him. So I'm all engaged and stuff and everywhere I go, someone's like "Oh my gosh, you're engaged" or "When's the wedding?", things like that. That happened like everywhere I went, somebody was saying something and everytime they did, I felt unsure, like, "Do I really want to get married right now?" So I'm planning the wedding and people were still bombarding me with the same stuff. That was the end of that dream. I typed in engaement and wedding ring and according to dreammoods.com, To dream that you are engaged to be married, represents sexual or relationship needs. You may be trying to resolve your feelings of loneliness. Alternatively, it symbolizes your commitments. More directly, if you are unmarried, the dream may indicate your desires to be engaged.
To see a wedding ring in your dream, represents completeness and eternal love. If you are not married and find a wedding ring, then it may mean that your personal relationship has reached a new level.
Do I want to be engaged? Sure, to be honest, lol, but you know what? I'm in no rush to get engaged or married. I know I have things I want to accomplish and do before I get married and have kids. Plus, I'm young, I gotta get that partying outta my system before I come home to Kev every night, lol. Has our relationship reach a new level? I think so. I think we're at the point in our relationship where we know that this is it right here, just me and him, I'm not going anywhere and neither is he. Plus he met all of my family (mom, dad, brother and sisters) and that's usually the deal breaker, but they all like him so it's all good, lol.
Now the dream I had last night. Me and Kevin are at this restaurant with a couple other people and this guy comes over (someone from my school, but I don't know him like that in real life). So me and Kevin are sitting in a booth and this dude comes over and is squeezing hisself between the end of the booth and me, with his arm around me. So I move over a bit, make some space and Kev just gets up and sits in a seat next to the booth. I'm like "Babe, there's space, you sure you don't wanna sit in the booth?" He goes like "No,I'm good." and has a conversation with other peopl at the table. So Kevin asks me to pass him his jacket and the dude next to me gave it to me and I gave it to Kev. So Kev says "Excuse me." and gets up to go to the bathroom but Nancy (an old friend when I was in camp when I was like 12,13) gets up and follows him. So I'm like, "Wait, where are YOU going?" So she smirks and Kevin laughs, but it wasn't like, ha ha he he, Dani buggin, it was on some, yeah, we fucking and you just found out. So I was like, "Fuck it," grabbed my jacket and rushed out the restaurant. I ran into my friend Kelso (he's my friend in real life) by the train station and he asked me where was Lauren and I was like, "I don't know where the fuck Lauren is,ok?" Then I explained to him what happened and why I spoke to him like that. So I went with him to where they were supposed to meet up and we saw her. As soon as they sat down, somebody comes in from the restaurant I left from and was like, "Kevin can't find his phone, do you know where it is?" I was like, I don't give a fuck about Kevin and his damn phone." and left. I typed in cheating and it read:
To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem.
The alternative meaning is more applicable to me. People expect me to be great. Like a good student, a good journalist, a good friend but I feel like I can't do that, no matter how bad I want to be. Especially with the journalism thing, I'm about to be a junior and I haven't had an internship YET. In my school, they stress that you have an internship after your sohphomore and until you graduate. At this moment, an internship is not important (that's another post), but I REALLY want one. But on a bright side, I don't have any doubts or bad feelings about my future career, I just have to get my mind right.
This juice is GREAT, lol. Definitely a drink for the summer. It's got a lil zing to it. I love it. This is a second to my other favorite juice, Minute Maid Cran-Rasberry Apple, lol
Monday, April 27, 2009
I swear, people have no manners nor any consideration. Ok, it's 2 PM, so what? Why, WHYYYY must you blast your music as if your room is a car and the hallway is outside? Like, what the fuck, seriously. I asked my dad to come get me on Monday but sheit, I might have to call him back and ask him to get me on Friday, fuck the bullshit. I'm just thoroughly pissed with these bitches that live on this floor.
Yeah.....I'm about to ask whoever it is to turn this shit down, dead ass.
Being here makes me sick, UGH
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I only miss Delaware because that's where the fam is at and I miss my family MUCHO. Plus, it's quiet and SUPER 'lax whenever I go home.
These are the things I've missed:
-My Mommy, Daddy, and siblings
-Home cooked food
-My Dad on the grill
-My Mom and Dad cutting on each other
-Coldstones ice cream
-Having something to do every day/every other day/every weekend
-My granny's cooking
-Being able to walk/take the bus or train everywhere
-Flatbush in the summer
-Reggae & Soca music being blasted out of every car
-All the food spots I love in BK
-Just chillin or hanging out with my favorite ppl
And last but not lease......
-I miss my Kevie
lol,I hope I didn't forget anything, but that's pretty much it. I had to let it out. School's pretty much fin pour moi (finished for me en francais) so I'm just itching to go home.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
These kicks are just seexxx (you can use that word to describe something that is fly, hot, cool, along those lines, lol). They come out next month and my birthday is coming up, might have to treat myself, lol
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I'm not a "fashionista", I wouldn't even say that I'm very stylish or trendy, but I do know what I like and what looks good on me, ya diig? Anyway, the purpose of this post is to list some things I wanna cop for the summertime. It's starting to get warmer and skin is starting to become visable, lol. Tryna change my style up, become a bit more girly and comfortable because rocking a pair jeans on a 90 degree day is no bueno, lol
Deep V-Necks (V-Necks in general) are sexy and comfortable. Pair up with some shorts or jeans and some chacletas (sandals). It's so effortless!
Trying to incorporate some more color in my wardrobe. I like to wear shorts (hate the attention that comes with it). Bright colors will make the outfit pop.
Nice for an evening barbeque or for a lil backyard bashment. Worn with shorts of course, lol.
I have this thing for ripped jeans now. I don't know if it's the grungeness of it,but I really like 'em. Get some air flowing through your jeans on a breezy day, lol.
I bought a pair of sandals recently and I plan to add this specific pair (color and all) to my mini collection. They're so cute!
My ace boon bestie said I should stop fucking with Steve Madden because they're so damn expensive, but their shoe are just so damn flyy! I don't wear heels, but I should start, I'm getting older. Plus these are platforms, which are a bit easier on your feet.
What do you think of these choices?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Me: when are we going because thursday is not happening,lol
Kev: I was thinkin friday after we pick her up
lol, he said we.
BTW, we were talking about my mom. She's coming to NY this weekend.
Monday, April 13, 2009
So I had to pull an all nighter last night and when I do, I like to listen to music, it keeps me motivated. My friend put me on to Pandora Radio like 2 months ago, so I was like, let me see what they got here. I'm in love now, lol. All you have to do is type in an artist and the site choses songs that are similar to the artists style. I was jamming HARD to some reggae last night/this morning, lol. They had a mix of new and old.
The sign up is free and you can give it a little test trial before you sign up. You won't be disappointed!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Kevin's getting on my nerves, we argued again last night. Things were going so good too. I'm not talking to him right now. Maybe we need some space from talking to each other. Because of this situation, I am jamming HARD to "How Does It Feel" by Keri Hilson. I'm not in that situation, but some of the words I can relate to.
I have a term paper to do (it's due tomorrow). I'm starting it now so I don't have to pull an all nighter. THAT is not going to do down, lol. It's supposed to be 8 to 10 pages, but check this out: This is my first term paper since I been to Howard. Crazy right? I know.
My lil brother turns 8 today. He's getting so big, it's crazy.
Ok, I'm off to bang this paper out.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Anyway, I wanted to write about family. Everyone has family: some members you get along with and some you don't. Deep down, I kind of wish that I was closer to some of my family members like other people but sometimes, you just don't click. My family just aren't close. You have your immediate family, the people you live with that have known you for your whole life, but when it comes to the other members, in some families, they don't really matter.
I don't have a lot of family members that are close in my age range and the ones that are, I just don't bang with them. Case in point, I have a cousin that's a year older than me and when we were younger, that was my ace boon. If you saw me at a family gathering, she was right by my side, lol. But we got older, lived life and just turned into the young ladies that we are today. Me and her are two complete different people. Over the summer, she called me out, talking about I put my friends before her and I never want to go see her. But she did the same thing to me. Now when I talk to her, the conversation just doesn't flow and I feel like she's not tryna fuck with me. On my top (on MySpace), I have her as the first person because that's my family and even though we aren't close, I will do anything my family, they come first. If some shit was to go down and she needed me, I'm there for her, no question asked. On shorty's top, I'm like in the second to last row.
::Sighs:: I just hope shit isn't akward this weekend. There's a gathering at her house and I'll be going over there, along with my mommy. I just don't want to feel uncomfortable. I was gonna birng Kevin, but I'm not too sure if that's still a good idea.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I just had nothing to write about since the last entry.
Well, April is here and classes are almost over (yay!!). My last day of classes are on the 23rd. I'm not sure when finals are, but I know I'll be in Delaware for like 2 weeks, then I'm going to NY for the rest of my summer. Next week is the Howard/Hampton Cabaret, an event that Howard, Hampton and other VA college students look forward to. Unfortunately, I won't be there to partake in the festivities. My aunt is having her 50th birthday party and my family is coming from Del to go to NY. The party depends on my aunt's surgery (she has breast cancer) and even if she doesn't have the party, my mom might come to NY regardless. My mom has NEVER shown interest in coming back to NY since she left, lol. I hope comes though, I miss my mommy.
As of lately (middle of march), I don't call any of my friends from back home. I don't call majority of my friends anyway, but the usual suspects that I do talk to, I just STOPPED calling them. I don't know, it makes things easier. I'm not worrying about people's feelings because I didn't call them and stuff. Even Whitney, who I speak to the most, I haven't spoken to since like March. I don't know, it's so easy to not pick up the phone and call people. I'm so wrapped up in my own world that I just don't take the effort to see how other people are doing. Is it wrong that I don't have a problem with that?
Spring is here, the weather is getting warmer and what better time to change my wardrobe than now? I'm trying to incorporate more colors and more of a variety. I always stick to my usual staples: t-shirt, jeans and kicks but one can only get so tired of the same routine. I want to go outside my comfort zone, sport some dresses and more shorts, tank tops and things of that sort. Wish me luck on this because lord knows I tend to stay in my lil box when it comes to clothes, lol.
For the month of April, I'm not eating fast food. It's the 7th and I've been doing well so far. I'm hoping to keep this going. If I have the urge, I'm trying to eat Subway in substitute for like McDonalds or Burger King. Wish me luck! lol
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
lol, ye-yah, I haven't written in a minute. I had nothing to write about, honestly. I been doing my school thing and when I come back from spring break, I'm probably going to take a break from the internet to get tighten my schoolwork up.
Oh yeah, I'm on spring break right now, lol. I came to Delaware to spend time with the fam and tomorrow I'll be making my way to Brooklyn. I can't wait. I'll blog about that because I always enjoy myself when I come back home. BTW, my 21 month old sister is the cutest, but she's too grown, lol. She's speaking a lil bit, repeating things my lil sister says and it's just adorable as hell, lol. I miss my baby MUCHO, lol. Can't wait to see him tomorrow when I pull into the train station. My mom is a trip. Today she asked me if me and Kevin broke up. I'm like,no why? I found it funny because it's nothing like that at all. She said she asked that because I haven't said a word about him since I got home. I mean, me and my pookie are fantastic, nothing new to mention about us.
I'm starting to think that I have a shopping addiction. I've just been thinking about shopping when I come back home (to Brooklyn). I need to kick that habit because times are about to be harder than they were, but I can do it!
I will be vlogging, I've made the decision to do it so when I do, I'll let yall know where to find 'em.
My bestie Lauren put me on to Keri Hilson's remix to Soulja Boy's "Turn My Swag On" and I like it. Personally, I've been down with Keri Hilson since 2007 when I heard her on Timbaland's "Shock Value," so if she dissed Beyonce or not, I don't care, Ms.Hilson has talent, but that's just my opinion, lol.
turn my swag on (dime divas remix) - keri hilson
OH YEAH, I reeeaaallllyyyy appreciate the new followers, as well as the old ones. I'm actually happy that my blog amuses some people and thank you! lol
Friday, March 6, 2009
Kevin and I are back on good terms after fighting off and on for like a week. That's really rare of us. I haven't spoken to him on the phone in 2 days. We settled the situations and got some clarity of some things, including the relationship. Now I can just think about going to see him and spending time with him.
Today was nice but tomorrow will be nicer! lol, I'm probably going to go out and enjoy the weather tomorrow.
I miss home, with my family and Brooklyn. But spring break is officially in 1 week (Whooo!!!) lol, I'm excited for that.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
You can be amongst SO many people, interact with them, ride the bus with them, take a class with them, but yet, feel so alone?
Have you ever felt that not 1 person understands you? People think they know a person so well, but honestly, they only know a small portion of what you decide to show them and what you allow them to see.
People claim to be there for you and claim to listen to you, but in reality, no one can be there and listen to you better than yourself, as crazy or as weird as that may sound.
So I'm watching this movie on TV One called "My Brother", which is about this dude who has to take care of his mentally challenged brother after his mother dies. Now, I have 2 siblings that have mental disabilities so I can kinda relate to this movie (I'm getting upset as I type this). So there's a scene in the movie where the mentally challenged brother is getting somewhat beatup by these dudes his brother owes money to. So I'm telling Kevin that it's hitting my heart and he's like change the channel and then procedes to tell me that he's going to hang out with his homegirl. I felt like he was disregarding what I said because it was like,ok, you said how you felt and now that you got how you feel out of the way, let me tell you about what's going out with me
I understand, it's just a movie, but it's still a situation that is near and dear to me. I don't know, I might have OD'd, but still. It's not like he doesn't know about my siblings, I've told him before. Even cried to him because of something that might happen to one of my siblings.
I don't know if the reason I'm acting this way is because my emotions are on high or if it's a situation that I take very seriously, or if it's a combination of both.
This has been the fourth disagreement/fight, whatever you want to call it, between me and him since friday. It's so annoying. Maybe I'm just a sensitive person.
Monday, March 2, 2009
lol, so I'm trying to "get it right," a term my and my friends use to refer to working out and getting the body together. I feel like my stomach is getting a lil pudgy, I'm not comfortable with how it looks so I've decided to do something about it. Me and my bestie (Lauren) started doing stairs today; jogging up and down the stairs in our dorm to burn some fat. It took some wind out of me though, lol. We've decided to do it everyday for the month. After the stairs, I plan on doing some crunches. Hopefully, by April, my midsection area is toned down.
Today we had a snow day, NO SCHOOL!!!! I slept in, woke up 3 PM and went to The Diner. I had some french toast, home fries and hot chocolate. It was quite good, lol. I wish we had a snow day tomorrow, but I know that's not going to happen.
Oh yeah, my school situation is handled. I didn't really speak on that. Basically, my mom helped me out and I'm still in school. I'm so thankful for her.
Spring Break is coming up and I get to come home. I haven't been to BK in a minute and I miss it, lol. But next year, I'm trying to go somewhere exotic and warm, definitely.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Just thinking about life and school. I just don't want to struggle, but it's going to get harder as I get older. And I guess that just means I have to get stronger.
The reason for this entry is because shit is about to start getting real. I'm about to become more independent and I don't think I'm ready for it yet. Even though I don't think I'm ready, I'm still going to take my responsibility and do what I have to do.
My mom was telling me that she was going to use my child support money to pay for the loan she took out for me to stay in school. I have no problem with that. But she also told me that my child support will end May 12, 2010 (my 21's birthday). So I have to get a job to support myself, no biggie. At the same time, I really want to get an internship. But you know what? At the moment, me being able to monitarily support myself for the next 2 years is more important than an internship, in my eyes. The way I see it is that if I work and save my money, in the summer of 2010, I can get an internship.
I just have to take it one day at a time and worry about what it's front of my face right now, instead of the future; something I have no control over.
So, I've been thinking about tattoo's and for my first tat, I was thinking about a treble clef behind my right ear. But I think I'm going to hold off on that tat and get strength in arabic on my wrist.
But yeah, I guess as each situation I encounter and get through, it just helps me to face the situations to come
Monday, February 23, 2009
"Oh Yeah" by Foxy Brown
If anyone has any tips on how to cease procrastination, please let me know.
Back to writing a midterm that was due last week...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I feel like such an idiot because I did this to myself. I have no one else to blame but myself. I honestly see why people turn to alcohol or drugs, because they don't want to deal with their real lives. I see why people turn to crime, because that's the only way they can express their repressed emotions. I can just understand why some people do the things they do.
Have you ever felt like giving up? Not just giving up on a task or a job or a person, but giving up on life? I've felt that way so many times, but for some reason, I've always found the strength to pull through. But I don't want to be strong anymore, I don't want to pull through. I know that to get what you want, you have to work hard for it, but I just can't take it anymore.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I miss Kevin. I miss him a lot. There are times like this that make it hard to be in a long distance relationship. Trust me, because I feel this way won't let me end this relationship, it's just hard to grasp the fact that no matter how much I want to be with him, he's not a 20 minute walk away. I can't hop on the shuttle, wait for the Q to go to Parkside and walk to his house.
I'm laughing a bit right now because I've always wanted to find someone who would feel the exact same way I felt about them and he's 150+ miles away.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I was supposed to go to NY today to be with Kevin but the plans flopped on us. He was supposed to have a free crib and instead had a full house, including his neice and nephew sleeping over for the weekend. He was really upset about it and he told me that he wanted me to be happy instead of being miserable with him, since we weren't able to be everything we wanted. Honestly, I still would have went because I hate to see him upset and I know that I can make him feel better ::cheese smile::
BUT, he's supposed to be coming to D.C. for a weekend and I'm REALLY excited about it. He has been "trying" to make his way to my side of town for like a year now and it just hasn't happened. If there was anything I've ever wanted out of him, it's for him to come to D.C. and spend some time with me. He's going to get a hotel and everything and we can really get some alone time. I really hope this goes through, but to be real, until he tells me he booked his hotel room and bought his bus ticket, I'm not going to get myself too excited. I am going to keep positive about it though. Lowkey, I think the plan will come through, lol.
So, for this whole month, I won't be able to see Kevin. My spring break is next month and I'm spending half of it with my family and the other half with my baby. He should be coming the week after my spring break so I get to see him twice next month.
This long distance relationship thing is hard, but situations like these make us and the relationship stronger. In the end, it's all worth it.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
"I Like It" by Sammie
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I don't know, lol. I just feel like I'm living someone elses life sometimes. I am honestly thankful that I am where I am at the point in my life. I can't really complain.
Today was such a beautiful day. I started thinking about when school's over and how consistant the nice weather will be. You can do so much in nice weather, lol. I can't wait to be back home.
I'm going home this weekend and I can't wait! My baby sister is turning 10 on Valentine's Day. It's crazy, I remember when she was like 1,2 years old and I would measure her in our doorway. I remember when she broke her arm falling off the bunk bed and I was worried out my ass. Even though she brings out the child in me (in terms of arguing), I love her to death. My baby is growing up. Before I know it, she'll be in high school. I'm not ready for that, lol.
Friday, February 6, 2009
So I'm on the phone with Mr.Kevin and he's telling me how he had a message to pass to me. I ask him who is it from because I was truly curious. And he tell me it's from Ashley [Sidebar: To get background info, see http://dailylifeofdanib.blogspot.com/2008/11/get-on-my-damn-nerves.html ]. So I'm like,what does she have to say because I said enough to her when we spoke. All I remember is that she was talking some shit about Kevin is her only real friend and how other people be shitting on her, MAD fuckin bullshit. Bascially the message she had to send to me was that her intention isn't to take Kevin from me and that even though she knows me and her aren't going to be friends, that she just wants no beef between me and her.
I'm not sure if I should be upset about this or let this shit go, but I know how I feel right now and I'm type aggie (agravated), I won't lie.
I never fuckin liked you and I never will. I don't give a fuck if Kevin is your only "real" friend. He doesn't even fuck with you. Tell me why this bitch pressed Kevin's friend at their school, talking about how do you know Kevin and all this shit because she saw his friend write mad shit on his MySpace? Like,who the fuck are you? Seriously. Gonna tell my man that you like him, KNOWING that he has a girl, bitch, get the fuck outta here. Talking about you just wanted to tell him.
See, I should....lol, you know what? If I do that, niggas feelings would get hurt.
::sighs:: This weekend I hope invovles some weed or alcohol because I'm ready to just let loose.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I was on the shuttle, going to my room to chill before my two hour class (it's not as gruesome as it sounds) and I was thinking about saturday night. I was in my friend's car and the radio was on. They were mixing "You Ain't Know" by Lil' Wayne and Birdman and I was hype because this was one of the few songs I like that's Lil' Wayne affiliated. So I tuned to it while I was on the shuttle and I was just feeling it, like, "Damn, I do have to get back to the money."
Doesn't having a job feel good? Well,in some aspects. You work, do whatever it is you do, make your money and spend the hard earned money that YOU worked for. Not the money that mommy, daddy or boo in some cases gave you, YOUR money. This song defintely helped motivate me and prepare me for saturday's job hunt.
Young Mula BayBeh!! (Excuse me for LOVING that little line he shouts on virtually every song, lol)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
-School's going fairly well. I still have to buy books ::looks sideways:: lol. I know that I need to stop procrastinating and stop being lazy and I will be an outstanding student.
-My mommy called me yesterday and we spoke for a good minute. I miss my mommy ::pouts:: lol. But I'll see her next weekend.
-Next weekend is Valentine's Day/Presidents Day weekend. I'll be going home [Delaware] from Friday to Sunday. Valentine's Day is my little sister's birthday and she's turning 10. She's getting so big,it's crazy. Then I'm leaving on Sunday to go to my other home [Brooklyn] to go spend some time with the hubby. He bought my Christmas gift (yeah,I know it's late), as well as something for Valentine's Day and I'm anxious to see what it is. He's WAAAYYY more hype than I am, lol. I miss him too so I'm glad I'll get to see my family in that jam packed weekend.
-I NEED A JOB NOW!!!!!! I'm goign to get up early on saturday and go to different places in the area. I'll take anything, even McDonald's. Money is money, whether I'm cooking up fries or folding up shirts, ya diig?
Is that all? I think so, lol. I'm about to change the song in the side. I was feeling real Jamaican last saturday,lol.
OH, so Meridian's cable is fucked up and I'm throughly pissed. It has been off since saturday evening. I missed Bad Girls Club and I was going to catch up tonight! UUGHHHH, oh my goodness, this shit is ridiculous, I swear.
Ok, that's it, lol.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I think I was 2 or 3
The reason for this entry is because I was on imeem (a gift sent from heaven, lol) and I was just JAMMING man to some rockers, old school dancehall/reggae chunes. It just brought me back to my childhood. On Saturday evenings on 107.5 WBLS, Dahvid Levy would come on the radio playing all the old chunes and the new chunes and my mommy and I would be in the middle of the living room, dancing. if I could travel back in time, I would relive my childhood from 3 yrs old to 9, some of the best years of my life, lol.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Today in my Writing For The Media class, we had a guest speaker. He was very real and just makes things a little bit brighter for me as to what I want to do. One of the things he said that stood out to me was that if you're not committed to journalism or PR (He works in the PR field), basically the communications field, then change your major. I found it funny he said that because just yesterday, I went to The Hilltop (Howard's newspaper) and they held an orientation yesterday. You have to attend it if you want to write for the newspaper, so I went. I have to write and get myself more familiar. I have to stop being lazy and start getting serious. I have to write more, familiarize myself with the happenings in the world and read more. I think I can do it. Once I start to do it, it'll become like second nature. I commend people around my age that are already on the path to their career. I feel so inexperienced but the only way to gain experience is to write. Like Toni Morrison told the guest speaker when he asked her what can he do to write a novel, "There's nothing to it but to do it."
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I may edit this post and I may not.
I'm trying so hard to refrain from calling her a bitch or knocking down her door like the police to bust her little party, but if I seem like a prude, I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to give her until 4:00 AM and if the volume hasn't decreased, it's on.
I wish I could sweet dreams, if I can only get to them!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The Beatnuts - "No Escaping This"
Friday, January 23, 2009
Lauren & Gillian with their ice cream. After Lauren took 20 minutes to finish her ice cream, lol, we got on the train back to Meridian.
Us on the Metro. So Gillian started skipping and I was talking about when I was a "yute" how I would skip fast and say, "Look at me mommy!" (I thoroughly enjoyed my childhood,lol). So we all started to skip, and of course, I was skipping the fastest, lol. It was fun. Then Gillian asked me to skip with her up the block and we did. I let her win at first, but I caught up, lol. I had a lot of fun today, it was cool and relaxed.
I will be doing another blog, but it'll be more centered around entertainment. You know, new songs, unrealeased songs, music videos, magazine releases, album reviews. Also, I'll link articles I've written as well as articles I had to write for class. My writing for the media professor said that I have to get serious for my career now. If you don't know, after college, I plan on being on the writing staff for VIBE magazine and enventually, becoming it's EIC (Editor In Chief). My goals seem big, but I'll get there. So look out for that, I'll keep you guys updated.
I am soooooo ready for bed,lol. I'm in my comfy Howard sweatpants with my quilt over my legs in my nice, soft, warm bed. I can fall asleep at aaaaany minute, lol.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The inuaguration for President-Elect Barack Obama is on the 20th and I won't be in D.C. for the celebration. D.C. is gonna be so live and so busy and so packed. I'm not sure I want to be around for that. The mall is going to be remnicent of MLK's "I Have A Dream" speech. This is definitely history in the making. I'm not exactly sure what an Inauguration entails, but I'm sure it will be exciting, and expensive for most.
I'm going home for the break. My main reason to go is because of what happened in the last post. The funeral is next Friday and I may not be there for him during the funeral, but I want to be there for him while everything is happening. The latest news about the murder is that the baby father is still in custody but there's nothing that links him to the murder. She had a tattoo on her arm and the alleged reason why he dismembered her was because he didn't want her body to be identified. Also, the baby ,who's one year old, was present during the murder. If the baby father gets released, the baby will go back to the father but Manuella's (the name of the young woman who was murdered) sister is trying to get custody of him. I hope and PRAY that that baby does not go back to that man. This is just so sad, it really is and I hope God's plan pulls through. He may not come when you want him, but he's always on time.
The Biggie movie comes out this weekend and I'm a bit hype. I swear, if this movie is trash, I'm flipping the movie theater and whoever wrote the script is getting a heated letter from me, lol. I'm keeping positive about the movie though because Biggie is that dude. I know this is kinda lame, but I have a T-shirt in black and it has Biggie's face on it in purple and "Brooklyn" (like on a Vinnie Style's T) in pink and I'm going to wear it when I see the movie, lol. I know for sure that I will NOT be going to see the movie in the evening because there will be mad rowdy, ignorant people, singing the songs, talking back to the damn screen and I will be pissed because I'm trying to watch the movie. I had to shush this young strag in the Court St. movie theater when I went to see "Seven Pounds" because she was being indignant.
I can't wait to come home, mainly for the food, lol. I will be getting some oxtail from this spot across the street from my house called 3D's, some pizza from this spot by Kev called Family Pizza and Johnny Rockets. Kev and I went there when I was ome over the break and he ordered a Coke with Cherry syrup. I don't fuck with Coke, but that drink was hitting the spot, lol. My granny went to Jamaica ::pouts:: so she can't cook me up some good Jamaican food.
Latley, I've been enjoying some throwback sitcoms: The Jefferson's, Sanford & Son and my favorite of the 3, ::singing it like in the opening credits:: GOOD TIMES!!! lol. Yeah man, I just lay up in my bed, tune in to either TV One or TV Land and the laughs just start coming. I be a-rolling, lol.
I was thinking about getting a twitter account. If anyone has one, I'ld love to know how it works. I don't really know what it is, but it seems interesting.
I'm about to kick back and watch some shows. I might do my laundry, I don't have much clothes left, lol
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I woke up at 7 AM (I am NOT a morning person) to go to the Administration Building to clarify some things with my student account. I get everything situated and after that, I went to the School of C (Communications) and was there for a minute but I still did get seen. I saw my academic advisor and found out that I am on academic probation. What, Danielle, on academic probation? Yes, it's true. I failed 2 classes in the fall semester, something I am not proud of, but it happens. I'm not discouraged about it at all, this is just giving me the motivation to do A LOT better. I went to my 2 classes today and I'm running into this thing head on with positivity ::cheese smile::
Last night, my boyfriend found out that his cousin was murdered. She was beaten and burned to death, her body was found on the top of the roof of her bulding. The main suspect is her baby father who was taken into custody. She has a 1 year old son with this dude who is now with his aunts. Kevin, his brother and sister went to Queens to be with the family. Kevin's brother went to the hospital with his cousins to identify the body through dental records and they found out that it was her body. Kevin just told me that this dude is being released from custody because there's not enough evidence to link him to the murder, plus he's threatning his family's lives. I feel so bad and helpless because there's nothing I can do for him and as his girl, I just want to do anything in my power to be there for him and help him get through this. At times, life really doesn't seem fair, but I believe that God has a plan and reason for everything. This situation is just really sad and I'll continue to pray for him and his family to get through this.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
3)Get more in touch with God
I think this post is gonna be a whole buch of randomness, I don't know. There's just a lot of thing's going on in my "pretty little head."
I thoughly enjoyed my break, especially while I was in Brooklyn. I doubt I'll write about it now, so if I feel up to it, maybe I'll do it at a later date.
Classes started today and that's all I have to say about that.
I am feening for some french toast from Ihop and some buffalo wings and cheesy bread from Dominos. It definitely sucks when things aren't convinient because the closest Ihop in D.C. is in Maryland. Kevin swears I have cravings of a pregnant woman and after talking to my friend that's pregnant, I beleive him now, lol.
Kevin and I have reached another level of our relationship during the break. Our relationship is so much different than what I've been seeing from other people's relationship (at least form the outside looking in). It's definitely something rare in todays "young people's" relationship and I don't think I'm just saying it because I think so, I beleive other people can see it as well.
So yeah, I'm gonna be chillin in my room, like I've been doing all day. I like being alone, all I need is some food and I am broke at the moment. I REALLY don't feel like leaving my room, but I guess I'll have to so I can get something to eat.