Monday, December 22, 2008

Bored...And Worried

I've been in Delaware for a good week and a half now and it has reminded me of my childhood; how I would FIEND to go out and not be around my family any longer,lol [Sidebar: If I haven't mentioned before, my family lives in Delaware now, they've been living there for 2 years now. They moved there from Brooklyn my senior year of High School]. I love my family to death, trust me when I tell you, but at the same time, some of the things that they do and say is kinda bothering me. But hey, it's family so I gotta roll with the punches. I've just been sleeping, hanging out with the fam, playing with the kiddies and doing some household chores around the house. After Christmas, I will be going to NY to spend the rest of my winter break and I'm starting to get more excited as the day gets closer.

I know that when I come home (Brooklyn), time is going to fly past me and I'll be back at school, something I'm a little scared of facing. I haven't been able to register for spring semester classes and I don't know what's going to happen when I get to school. I owe money for fall semester and I will also owe another balance for spring semester. I've been trying to call the school so I can talk to someone and see if I can set up some sort of payment plan so my hold can be cleared. ::sighs:: I know people have been telling me not to think about it and to enjoy my break, but I just really can't help it. I know that I can only handle the situation when it's being presented to me and at this moment, it isn't.

Friday, December 19, 2008

"...Yall Know My Name,Charles Hamilton..."

Ok, I admit it, I have a tiny little crush on the new kid on the block (when it comes to Hip-Hop). I don't know what it is about him, maybe his arrogance, his intellect, his word play, or maybe it could be where he's trying to take Hip-Hop. ::shrugs:: I dunno,but I do know that this kid has talent, there's no denying that. He was one of XXL's Top 10 Freshmen and was on the cover with his other counterparts for the December 2008 issue.

The first song I heard from him was, of course, "Brooklyn Girl". I mean, I am a Brooklyn girl and I guess I would be a little crazy not to fall in love with it, but that's not the only reason why I like this song...maybe it is,lol. I don't know, but I love this song. I just found out that he sampled "Shorty Swing My Way" by KP and Envi for this joint, so that's cool. It was driving me crazy who was on the hook, lol. I just saw the video the other day and was hype because he filmed it in the downtown area of Brooklyn. Also, the scene where he's by the library and the church with that bright ass red door is by my old high school so that's definitely wassup.

Homeboy performed at my Homecoming too for this thing we have called YardFest. When he came out, I was like, "Who is this dude?" until I heard the DJ drop the track. I'm like, "I've heard this song before." So he comes out and raps and I'm like, "I know this song!" lol. He only performed "Brooklyn Girl" and I was feeling the groove, had my hand up and all (y'all know what I'm talking about) and he definitely peeped me on that,lol.

I hope I'm not coming off as a groupie because that's not me at all. I just have a crush on Charles Hamilton and I wanted to express that. UGH, I'm such a loser, lol.

Before I end this entry, check this video I saw last month. Cory Gunz, Charles Hamilton and Mickey Factz freestyling on Sirius Radio. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Leave Me Alone Please

Rocking to Paramore's "Riot", I really want to left alone.

I just don't feel like being bothered with anyone (I know), especially Kevin. Since monday,he's been pissing me off. Today, I'm turning off my phone, I'm not going online. I feel like I should take a break from intereacting with anyone.

I just want to be left alone, I don't want to deal with anyone's problems or relationships, nor do I want to deal with male stupidity, I've had enough of that bullshit to last me for a good 2 weeks. I'm just through, I'm done, like, I'm fed up. I think I just need time to myself.

Kevin...all I know is that he's going to have to make the change that he wants to make and make it quick. I said it in a previous entry that you can't be the same person you were in the beginning of the relationship, you have to change as the relationship changes. I told him already, you can't do and say the things you would have said in the beginnning of the relationship. We've grown (well, I can tell that I have) and so has the relationship. When you're 10 years old, you can't act like you're 5. I just hope he comes to that realization and gets his shit together. I don't want you to change when I'm in front of you, change while I'm away so I know that I don't have to be on your ass for it to happen. Since he's been all talk, I told him your words don't mean much to me right now, you're going to have to prove it to me by doing the things you say.

I'm off to bed

Monday, December 15, 2008

Friends &&. Acquaintances...Which One Are You?

I have best friends, friends and acquaintances. Each of them have a place in my life but some are about to get rearranged.

I, personally, am going through somethings right now with school and I wrote a note about it on facebook. I was seriously contemplating dropping out of college. Some people know me as to be dramatic, but I was really serious about this. I told myself, I'll give it to the end of next semester and if I can't get my act together, then I'm out of here. I wrote the note about how I felt and I tagged people that I know would respond, as well as they would have sound advice to give. I tagged one of my bestie's and she didn't respond and shorty was on facebook. I have no problem listening to you rant and rave about how your mother is a psycho bitch, how your boyfriend is a two-timing douche bag, or how you have to watch what you do because you're trying to get down with a sorority but when it comes to me, I'm expecting the same shit from you. You're rude to me on the phone by talking to other people that are around. If you want to talk to them, go ahead, don't call me and answer to every single thing they do. I HATE that shit.

There's that saying, "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do." I love this girl to death, she is like family to me, but I'm wondering if this relationship is worth salvaging. There would be times where we would talk on the phone everyday, hang out all the time. I understand we're in college now, but there are times where I do not want to talk to her; I will let the phone ring out before picking up the phone because I just do NOT feel like dealing with her and I don't think that's good. I don't feel like talking to her about it because I'm just fed up with it.

I just know that when I come to Brooklyn after Christmas, I will see what's really good with this friendship and where she stands.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Introducing...Dani B.

Notice anything different? lol, I was wondering how to do it as well and I figured it out all by myself

I was reading some kid's blog and his first blog was about him, so I thought to myself, hmm,that makes sense, maybe I should make a blog entry introducing me to the blog world. So,that's what I'm about to do,lol

My name is Danielle S. Brissett but everyone calls me Dani, Dani B. or DB. I'm from Brooklyn, New York from Jamaican parents. I am a sophomore print journalism major at Howard University. My goal is to have a career in journalism as an entertainment journalist. I LOVE it at HU. Even though there are times where I wanna blow the shit up, lol, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

I love to sing, dance, write, eat, sleep, hang out with my friends, go out, watch movies, and listen to music. I listen to most types of music. I'm an R&B chick, but I can get down with some Hip-Hop from time to time. Music is one of the things that keeps me sane in this world.

I'm a real cool chick, very down to earth. A lot of people tell me I'm funny so I'm glad that I can make people laugh. I'm pretty honest with myself and other people but some people just don't know how to handle how blunt my honesty is. I try to stay postitive and it usually works out. I'm very carefree and it takes alot to make me mad, but I can get annoyed easily. I can be very shy at first, but once I'm comfortable, I can become very silly and goofy. I'm not a social butterfly, I usually stay reserved and to myself or the people I'm cool with. I'm lazy but when I'm determined to do something, it defintely gets done.

I'm not materialistic, but I love clothes and shopping, even though I don't really have the funds,lol. Some people say I have an addiction, but if that was the case, I wouldn't be able to pay my phone bill, some school fees, my books and things of that sort. My mom told me once that I like expensive things, which I guess is true. I hate cheap looking clothes, that's just not my style.

I have a boyfriend, his name is Kevin _________ (I'm not gonna put his buisnass out there like that, lol). I met him at a get together and we started talking in August 2007, before I left to go to college. We made it official August 27, 2007 and have been together for 1 year and 3 months so far. When I met him, I thought he was going to like any other dude I would talk to: we would talk and eventually lose touch, but he is different from any other dude I every talked to or was ever with. I am in love, I won't front and so is he. I honestly feel like he is the one for me but only time can tell. He gets on my nerves sometimes and I wanna slap the shit outta him, but he remains his composure and I can't stay mad at him forever, lol. He lives in Brooklyn, so yes, I am in a long distance relationship. It is hard because I can't see him whenever I want to, but it's all worth it at the end of the day. That's my pookie and I love him :-D

I think that's enough, I don't have any followers so I really don't know who's going to read this, lol. If you want to know more about me, just hit me up or read up on the blog

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Music To My Ears

I'm about to go to bed. I was trying to study for my College Algebra 1 test; I got some work done,but I'm going to rest and study some more when I wake up. My final is from 4pm-6pm so I think I'll be cool.

I just wanted to blog really quick about a group I just got put on to: The Foreign Exchange. They are poppin, lol, that's the best way I can put it. I'll have to find out more information about them, but I've been listening to thier second album, "Leave It All Behind," for the past 3 days. It's great, their music is the epitome of grown and sexy. It's mellow and chill, I can definitely just imagine sitting in my living room with a glass of wine, unwinding and relaxing to this album, lol (My imagination is quite vivid, I know). Since I've been listening to it on imeem, the person who posted it included the instrumentals to it as well, which is a definite plus.

The Foreign Exchange - Leave It All Behind

Here's the album

I heart The Foreign Exchange!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

So Much Going On

There's been a lot going on in my life lately but the one thing that has kept me sane is music.

I was under a lot of pressure and stressed. I was jamming to Biggie's "Ready To Die" album and it helped me get through my slump a bit.

Since I've been so stressed, I don't know how to handle it and channel that energy into something positive so I take it out on Kevin by giving him attitude and being difficult. I tell Kevin what's going on with me and how I feel, but I don't expect the responds he gives me nor do I really like how he responds. I honestly feel a bit bored in this relationship and I was thinking about the relationship; what we should do to spice it up and make it exciting again. I don't know what to do yet, but I'll think of something (I am definitely willing to take suggestions).

Music is honestly a love of mine ("My First Love" by Jaspects ft. Janelle Monae, listen to that) and I don't know what I would do without it. [Sidebar: I sing but I'm very conscious about my voice, but I feel that if I keep singing and gain more confidence, I may possibly do something with my voice]. So I'm listening to "Take My Love Away" by Teedra Moses and I decided to look her up on Mypace where I came over her song "Take Me" ft. Rapheal Saadiq. This song just perfectly depicts how I feel about my relationship at this moment, as well as where it stands. There's nothing wrong, it's just a bit mundane.

Take Me - Teedra Moses

This is the live version, since imeem doesn't have much of Teedra Moses' songs from her album.

I'm going to bed, yesterday was a looooooooooong day.

Friday, December 5, 2008

What The...

FUCK man?! I've been up since 12:00PM yesterday

Yesterday was the last day of classes and you would think I would have been celebrating with the homies. No, your girl stayed in her dorm to do her fuckin take home quiz with hardly any notes to refer to. I started this blasted quiz at 6:30PM...

it is now 6:44AM (as I'm typing this). It's due today at 3:00PM, but I have things to do tomorrow, so I can't go to sleep and wake up and finish it. I am so tired and stressed out, it's not even funny. I broke down twice today. I feel so defeated. Something inside of me wants to quit and walk away from it all, but at the same time, there's something inside of me that wants to stick it out; something inside that doesn't want to give up. I'm just so pent up with stress that I don't know what to do. To be honest, I haven't felt like my complete self this whole semester.

Have you ever wished that you can step outside of your body? That's how I feel.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


So the first semester of my sophomore year is about to come to a close and's that time


The dreaded F-word

This whole semester had me stressed out

My mom and I got into some shit before I left to come back today about school and my life. She basically said that she didn't care about what I did, if I went to school or if I dropped out and got a job. I felt as if she didn't care what I do, but she was trying to let me know, in her own little mother way, that whatever I do, she'll be happy as long as I'm happy. That's just the condensed version. I guess what she was trying to get me to understand is that it's my life and I have to make these decisions and whatever the decsison is made, she'll "support" me in it. Just the way everything boiled down, I didn't want to even be in her presence, so I just told her bye before I left. My dad drove me to the train station and before I left, he hugged me and let me know that everything is going to be ok. He told me "This is your sophomore year and I know it's hard but stick in there and do your best." He understands a bit more than her because he went to Morris Brown and she went to Borough of Manhattan Community College (BMCC).

I'm studying for my world geography final as we speak and I think I'll do pretty good. I'm just going to take one day at a time and worry about what's going to happen now. I don't want to overwhelm myself and have another meltdown (I've cried about 4-5 times this semester).

::sighs:: I only have this week and the middle of next week and then I'll be home for a bit and then off to spend time with my friends and my pookie. I need a vacation. I can't wait until July (I'm going on a cruise with Kevin and his family).I need the tropical breeze, white sands, palm trees and clear waters NOW! lol

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wishing everyone a Happy Turkey Day, one of my FAVORITE holidays. It isn't because of the delicious food, it's one of the few times my whole family sits at the table and eat together. It's me, my mommy, my step-dad, my 3 little sisters and my little brother. I am very thankful for my family. I say this every year, but it's true. Some people go home and I'm grateful that I can go home as often as I want to. When some people come home, as soon as they get there, they want to leave. Whenever I come home, I don't want to leave. Being away from my family definitely reminds me how much I love and appreciate them.

Today marks the day Kevin and I have been together for 1.3 years (1 year and 3 months). It's not that serious, but I don't know, we like to keep track of things like that,lol. He pissed me off tonight (again). Oh well,I'm not going to let him ruin me feeling good.

I was going to go to New York this weeked to be with my girlies. On Saturday, they were going to go out to a Thai restaurant for the baby of the group's birthday (Jarena) but I won't be going. Due to some monetary issues, I'll be in Delaware for my whole Thanksgiving break. In all honesty, I did want to stay here and spend time with my family and I'm glad that I'm not going. Plus, there's so much traveling involved in such a small amount of time and my sleep pattern has been off for the past 2 weeks due to me going to NY 2 weekends in a row. The girlies will just have to wait to see me until December.

Anyway, I'm about to go grate some cheese for my daddy's macaroni & cheese. I just finished making some cranberry-apple relish. I can't wait to eat! lol

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Too Fickle

I read what I wrote and I'm laughing a bit, I really crack myself up at times. I know I said I wouldn't talk to Kevin, but I know good and damn well that when he calls me or IMs me, Imma respond ASAP.

I know I take things to the extreme sometimes, but that's the only way I know how to act at times. It's something I have to change and I am working on that.

That's it I guess. I'm trying to relax before I leave at like 2 AM to go to NY.

Oh yeah, I'm staying in NY for the weekend.

Get On My Damn Nerves

Oh my goodness, this boy knows how to work a nerve or at least I allow him to.

He just gets on my nerves sometimes that I just wanna chop his fuckin head off. (I think this is the stress talking).

I'm going to New York for a trip tomorrow morning and I was planning on staying to spend time with Kevin, but I'm not too sure about that now. Why would I want to be with someone who annoys the hell out of me at this moment?

I'm just so stressed and it would be nice if my boyfriend can be there for me and make me feel better. Granted, he doesn't remember I'm stressed, but when I tell his ass, he'll be like , "Oh yeah,because of blah blah blah right?" All I want his clueless ass to do is just try to make me feel better by cracking a joke, telling me how much he loves me, just do something that will take my mind off the stress, not add on to it.

Like last night, he was telling me he was on AIM and I asked him if that "girl" hit him up [Sidebar: Last Sunday, his ex-girlfriend hit him up and I was using his screen name at the time and I let her know that this wasn't Kev, it was his girl and to basically step off and leave my boyfriend alone. You still like him and you know he has a girlfriend. Long story short, she tried to shut me down by being the ghetto bird that she is and like the young woman I am, I kept it short,sweet and profane free] and he was like, "Yeah she hit me up today actually."Surprised, I asked him what did they talk about. He said she asked why was I acting the way I did and why did I come at her crazy and all other types of bullshit. He responded by saying,that's my girl and she was just letting you know the deal. That right there I think was the tipping point. I'm asking him why is he still talking to this girl if yall aren't even friends? He's telling me how he has no beef with her and he doesn't hit her up, she hits him up on AIM and he just talks to her. I was SO upset, I haven't been that upset before. I let him know that everything I told her that day is now canceled out, it made no sense becuase you're still talking to her and she's the type to think "Oh, she told me to leave her man alone but he's still hitting me up." Then after he sees how upset this makes me, he makes the decision then and there to dead this "relationship" they have. I tell him this issue never occured to you until I said something about it, you didn't have a problem with it until I brought it up. I knew one reason he made the decision was because I didn't like what was going on. I appreciated that, but at the same time, I don't want him to make his own decisions based on what I like and dislike. ::sighs:: just thinkin about it is giving me a headache. OH and then, after we discuss this whole situation, he asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell him. I told him how much I loved him a lot and that I won't let anything get between us, what we have and what we're trying to gain. He had the nerve, yes , thee nerve, to ask me if I told him that because of the situation. That made me MORE upset because my emotions are at a high and you're gonna come and ask me that dumbass question? You have GOT to be kidding me. He apologized but in my mind, I'm like, you're just digging yourself deeper and deeper. I just hung the phone up on him. It was rude, I know, but I didn't care

So we're talking tonight and nothing is being said on both sides. I feel that he needed to redeem himself of last night, but did he ever think of that? Of course not, because he has a penis. The conversation is going nowhere and he asked me if I want to go to bed. I might as well because aint shit going on here. I think I hung up on him again, I don't know, don't care either.

I really don't feel like talking to him tomorrow and if he hits me up, I'll probably ignore it or tell him to leave me alone. I'm really thinking if I want to stay in NY after the trip and as of right now, it's a no.

This song kinda of expresses how I feel (another joint heard off of Renaissance Black Woman, lol). It's called "Release Me" by Dawn Richards of Danity Kane. I just need to release (not in the way she was talking about though, lol) and relax, that's all I want to do. I want to do it with him, but he's not acting right, mm-mm, no ma'am
Release Me - Dawn Richard (of Danity Kane)

Friday, November 14, 2008


I have it in me, I just don't have the funds,lol. There are some things I've had my eye on

There are these moccasins from Steve Madden that I think are really cute. They are called "Climate". (

I like them in grey as well. I saw them in person at the Steve Madden store in Kings Plaza for $49.99!! lol, they were on sale from $69.99, but Kevin was with me and helped me out the store before I got to swipping,lol

Another Steve Madden shoe. Last year, I wanted a pair of riding boots (I still do) but I like these more. These are called "Gimbal" (

I like them in this color, as well as black. These are $139.99 on

I have this thing for plaid shirts now. I love the look and the simplicity of them. You can dress it up and dress it down. Here are some I like the most

Elisa Plaid Shirt from dELiAs for $34.50. The purple one looks good too

BDG Flannel Boyfriend Buttondown from UrbanOutfitters for $48.00

You know I can't go without a pair of kicks,lol. I have a fetish. When I see a HOT ass pair of kicks, I get so excited, my heart starts beating fast, no lie, lol

Nike Air Max 97 in black/cool grey/white for $92.99 in kids. They're real clean and sleek. I'm bout to get my pair soon. Kev and I saw them at the mall last sunday. Both of us were hype, lol. ::singsong:: But I'm getting mine before hiiiimmm, lol

Some things I have my eye on. Most likely, I will get all of these items (let's hope, lol)

Thoughts from This College Student

I've been thinking about some thangs.

1) School - It has taken over my life,lol. I can say I'm doing pretty well. Classes and doing all this work makes me tired, but I'm pulling through. Aside from grades, I'm kind of going through something with Howard. Now, I did my FAFSA and it was sent in and they made my package for the school year. Down the line,I thought I was going to do my taxes (I don't know why) and I made a change that didn't need to be made (so I was told recently). Now my financial aid hasn't been dispersed and due to that, I have a hold on my account. This hold will not allow me to see any type of grades (midterm or final) or more importantly, register for spring semester classes. The last day to register for classes was today and after today, I have to pay a late registration fee. If I can't get into any classes through late registration, I will have to beg, plead, and cry for some of these professors to allow me to override into their class. Then on top of that, I have to have at least 14 credits to be a full time and if I don't have that, it's a possibility that I may either have to take a semester off or transfer to another school. I REALLY do not want to leave Howard. My plan was to go there and graduate from there and that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go talk to my advisor about this on Monday. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe in God. I guess I will just have to put it in his hands and let him handle it.

2) God - Like I said, I'm not religious, but I believe in God. I don't like when people shove religion down people's throats. Not everyone believes in the same thing. You have to accept people and their preferences. I don't go to church, but I would like to start. I went to my bestfriend's church for Easter and the service was beautiful, I throughly enjoyed it. There wasn't a time where I was bored or wasn't applying everything the pastor said in my life. I would definitely go there again and I am actually going to try to every chance I'm in New York. I know that I should include the Lord in my life more than he has been. He definitely gets recognition from me and deserves more than I've been giving him.

3) Money - I need a job,lol. Just to have money at my disposal, being able to do what I want, buy what I want, when I want to. I'm maintaining, but I wanna be a lil step above maintaining,lol. Imma be good though, things like that don't really bother me.

4) Kevin & I - Just been thinking about how much I love this kid. I really want to be with him for the rest of my life. We talk about getting married and starting a family. I just want him to be 100% sure that this is what he wants. He thinks about this more than I do,lol. Always talking about what's gonna happen with our kids and whatnot, it's real cute. His words are sincere and I know he means everything he tells me. I see my life and where I will be and he's a part of that. I've always known what I wanted in a significant other and in a relationship and this is it. I didn't think I would get it so early in my life though. At times, it makes me wonder if it will last because of how young we are, but I shake that feeling. We're doing good now and that's all we can worry about. The future will come and we'll see if what we said will come into fruition (I like that word, lol)

5) Food - Ay yi yi,lol. Like,being at Howard has made me gain weight, at least for my first year. But since I've been here for sophomore year? Psshhh, I know I'm losing weight. At times, I'll only eat once a day and that's on a good day. I really am trying to cut down my fast food/junk food intake and it's not really working when everything around you is fast food. After I'm done with classes, I am so tired, I won't even go to the cafe to eat. Since school is almost over, I think I'm going to cook (we have stovetops) until I go home for winter break. I know for sure that I'll eat if I have food here. I get so hungry at times but because I don't want to leave Meridian, I won't eat. Plus, I'm sick of eating fast food. When I went to Kevin's house last week, his mom made some turkey wings with this yellow rice and green peas. I tore that plate up,lol. I'll be beyond happy come Thanksgiving. Ah man,it's thee best,lol

::sighs:: whoo,feels good to get that off my chest

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


So,I have a new laptop now!!!! (thank God,lol) My daddy bought it for me when I went home for Election Day

[Sidebar: Can we say Obama!?!?]

I've been really drained with school and just trying to get by. I'm trying as hard as I can to remain positive about everything. It's a bit hard but I know that things will pull through and I will get what I want.

Kevin and I are still together. We discussed the issue in the previous 2 entries. I love him very much and we have plans for our lives together. I did hurt him by what I did and that hurt me to know what I did. He forgave me and I will definitely not take my relationship for granted.

I was supposed to go to Binghamton,NY for a carnival they have annually by SUNY Binghamton. I pulled out on my friend last minute because of personal reasons (school,funds). I just feel like I should be staying here and focusing on school, since there are only about 2 1/2 weeks left until the first semester is over. My friend/cousin is VERY upset because of how things are happening and she's being real sour. Not everyone is balling like you,come on now. It's a recession, plus people have more importnat things to put their time,money and energy into. You just have to suck it up and keep it moving. You can't have everything go your way, take it from someone who is kinda spoiled.

Q-Tip's new CD, "The Renaissance" debuted Novemeber 4th and I must say it is GREAT!!!! lol, I really love it. Who can't? Check it out at When I went home (Brooklyn) last weekend, Kevin & I were watching him on VH1 Soul's "Soundstage."

I have an essay to write that's due tomorrow so I'm bout to get that started,lol (so sad).

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Damn Man...

I won't say disregard the last entry, but there were some things I left out and need to add in.

So, I've been talking to this guy from Harlem for about 2 weeks. He graduated from Hampton University last year, he's an aviation technition, 23 years old, he lives in Virginia. I met him at my homecoming. I like him and he likes me, but I started liking him to the point where I wanted to see how it would be to be in a relationship with him. I knew feeling that way wasn't right so I had to tell Kevin. I didn't tell him ASAP because I thought I could handle it; I didn't know that feelings would escalate or be mutual. Thursday night, I was just thinking if I want to be exclusive to Kevin or be with him and we can be able to see other people. I also realized that Harlem World couldn't give me what Kevin does.

I decided to tell kevin what was going on. We're honest in this relationship and I felt that he should know. Also, if I tell him, it would make it A LOT easier for me to eliminate this dude. Kevin was very pissed when I told him. Not even pissed, mad was the word. At times, there would be 10 minute silences between us.

I hope he takes into consideration that I was honest with him, that I know what I want and that I'm sorry. I love him so much and I hope that I didn't hurt him. If I did, things between us would be really tense. I was going to call himr back but I figured he needed space. He said he'll "holla at me later" but who knows?


It has definitely been a while and a lot has been going on but I can't get ito all of them. I just want to discuss one major thing at hand and that's my relationship.

It's getting harder. Most people know that whenever I talk about Kevin, I'm all smiles and happy, but lately I'm just about it. I don't feel happy in this relationship as I have before and it just makes me think that something is wrong. I feel like I'm putting more into this relationship than he is. I don't want this relationship to fail because I'm in love with him. He's the only person that can tolerate my bullshit and put up with my shit. The only dude who basically knows the most about me. I've completely opened up to him. I want this relationship to work. I need to talk to him but when I get the chance, I disregard it. There will always be things about a person that gets on your nerves, but lately, it seems like everyday there is something he does to annoy me. He's always forgetting something. I either have to repeat myself or continuously tell him something over and over again. Then I feel like me and him aren't on the same page. I know exactly what I want in my life and what I want to do. Kevin knows what he wants to do as well, but I feel he hasn't made the steps towards those things.

This is the second day in a row that I've teared up thinking about this. I don't know if it's something that will pass or what.

You can't remain the same in a relationship. As the relationship changes, you have to change along with it, or you'll get left. I feel like Kevin is still the same person he was when I got with him. I know I've changed and I wonder if he's noticed that as well.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

All Things Entertainment

This blog entry is dedicated to some things that deal with entertainment. Nothing bad, just the new things I love and how I feel about them

New Album
You already know Imma talk about Jazmine Sullivan's new album, "Fearless." I like it but the way they put the songs together just didn't fit right. My favorite tracks are "Bust Your Windows", "Lions, Tigers, and Bears", "My Foolish Heart", "Switch", and "Dream Big". I guess she had a lot of input in the song selections and wanted to display her versatality when it comes to genre. She probably didn't want to just stick to songs that were more like modern R&B. You can definitely feel the emotion she has in each song and it just gave me this feeling in my heart. I know for sure she would be fantastic live. I heard she recently shot her video for "Bust Your Windows" in Brooklyn,NY so look out for that. Here is her CD on good ol' imeem,lol

New Video/Short Film
I LOVE Janelle Monae,lol. When I found out her suite came out, I was feening. I had my boyfriend listen to some songs, but he really didn't like it. He also didn't think that I would listen to her style of music, but I do. I wish I could see her live but when I finally caught on to her, the day she performed on Central Park's Summer Stage passed. My time will come,lol. Anyway, I heard that her short film for "Many Moons" was debuting on 106 & Park. I have stopped watching 106 & Park for the simple fact that it's boring. Now it's 2 hours,oh father. But I flipped the channels from BET to whatever I was watching to make sure I didn't miss it. As soon as they said "Coming up,we have Janelle Monae", I didn't move an inch,lol. I really like this short film and it's just so hot so check it out!

New Movie
There's been a lot of talk about a movie being made about Biggie's (aka Notorious B.I.G.) life and now there is a teaser trailer. Me coming from Brooklyn am VERY hype and interested in seeing this biopic. Also,being from Brooklyn, I'm assuming the best of the best. That man is a legend in the rap game and his movie should be done in great taste. I was reading this blog and this girl said that she hopes the movie is good or she'll boycott it. I'm pretty sure Voletta Wallace (Bigge's mom) had a great deal in what was going on in the movie. She's very passionate about her son and I know she wouldn't have let it turn to shit. Angela Bassett plays her in the movie and Derek Luke plays Diddy. Watching the teaser trailer gave me chills just because anything with Biggie gives me chills, that's how you know he left his mark in the world. I was reading the 15 anniversary issue of VIBE with Jigga on the cover and you know how they have the photoshoot segment? Well, for the fashion photoshoot segement, they had the cast of "Notorious" (the name of the video) do a photoshoot in things they wore in the movie. I liked it. The movie is set to drop January 19 and I will be in there like swimwear,lol. Here's the teaser trailer

That's all I have for today. I hope you enjoyed,lol. I'll try to blog within this week.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

It's Been A While

...yes,I know. I'm sorry. Trust me,I would blog faithfully but my poor Toshiba died on me ::pouts:: There's something wrong with the screen so I've been using my best bud's laptop. She's the best (love you Lauren!!).

I've been ridiculously busy with school. Class and the homework, it's just made me so busy. Now,I'm on the staff of this online magazine run by students here at Howard and I'm really excited about it! I really wanted to be a part of it and now I am! Yay me!!

I decided not to go on the trip to New York with the Howard University's Association of Black Journalists. It just costs too much money ($140 mm-mm,no ma'am!). Besides, the online magazine (aka 25 mag) is going to NY sometime in the future and it'll be waaaayyyy cheaper than $140. I just can't afford it. The funds of a college student are pretty bleak, lol. I'm trying to find a job, but I have a weird schedule. MWF, my classes end at 6PM and on TTh, my classes end at 5PM. The only job I can get is probably at a restaurant and I'll take what I can get.

Me and Kevie are fiiiine,lol. He got me mad Sunday evening and I was really not going to talk to him. I knew that if I didn't speak to him, I wouldn't feel right. We spoke and we got all the bad air out and now we're on good terms. I miss him mucho. I don't know when I'm going to see him, honestly. Maybe on Columbus Day weekend, if he comes to Howard or if I go to Brooklyn that weekend.

I'm going home (to Delaware) this weekend. WHOOOOO!!!!!! I'm so happy. I missed my family sooooo much, I missed the food too, lol. I'm definitely trying to get it in with that home cooking, lol. 

Alright then, I'm outtie 5000 (Audi 5000).

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Feeling Good

I wanted to write this blog while I have break in between my classes (I have 2 more to go for the day). I have a lot on my mind and I wanna get it out.

I'm feeling really good. I plan on doing very well this academic year. I have too much in stake to get lazy now. When I was a freshman, I was lost in sauce. Now that I am a "sophisticated" sophomore, lol , I am more determined and not (as) lazy as I was last year. I am aiming for A's &&. B's. C's are accepted, but that's not what I want, lol. Yesterday, I went to an interest meeting for the school's online magazine. I really want to be a part of that. Today, I saw a flyer for an interest meeting for the school's journalism club and they are having a trip to New York so the people that are interested can meet the big wigs in different journalism establishments. I'm thinking about going to that. Then I saw applications for the John H. Johnson's School of Communication's (School of C!!! ::puts up the C's::) annual job fair. The deadline was the 5th (last Friday), but I'm going to try and see if they are still admitting applicants. I NEED an internship next summer. Last summer, I had an interview with Maxin Digital but I didn't get it.

I am on my grind, HARD, lol. Like, I am not playing. I'm carving the path that I want for myself and I can't slack. Ain't no half stepping this time around, lol. You have to work hard for what you want and that's what I'm starting to do. I know that I also have to network and stop being such a hermit crab.

On a lighter note, I have a song of the week (Courtesy of , I'm in love with this song now!) I stumbled upon it yesterday reading her blog and this is my new jam, added to the list of many, lol. This is Common ft. Marsha Ambrosious & Bilal - "The Light 2008 (It's Love)"

The Light 2008 (Its Love) - Common

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


I just got in from all my classes and I am pretty pooped. I have 3 classes back to back to back; Tae Kwon Do from 1:00 - 2:00, College Algebra 1 from 2:10 to 3:30 and World Geography from 3:40 to 4:40. I have to go back to campus for this interest meeting for an online magazine. This would be a great opportunity because this somwhat lies along the lines of what I want to do pertaining to my future career.

It was raining today and when I got outside, I just wanted to turn right back and hop back in my bed, lol. I love rainy days when I have nothing to do. I could stay in and watch some TV (or a movie,in my case, since I am without a TV still). Speaking of which, I really would like my TV to come, I get bored and lonely in this room, lol. The only reason I want it so much is because I already have it, it's not like I'm waiting for it. It was there, in front of my face and tangible. Now, I have to wait for my granny to send it. Imma call her tonight because I can't take this. She was gonna get me a $400 plasma screen TV and now all she gotta do is like pay from $50-$100 to send my TV. Granny gotta speed up the pace, lol.

I miss my family. Since I haven't spoken to them in a while, I decided to give them a ring. First of all, they need a new phone because the phone they're working with isn't working for me, lol. Then I called my dad's cell phone and he didn't pick up. I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to try again tonight. I wanna come home (to Delaware) either this month or October. I have to come home at least once before Thanksgiving because if I don't, that's mad trife, lol.

Kevin is a weirdo, I just wanted to put that out there, lol. Nah, but he plans on coming out to Howard for Columbus Day weekend (in October). We're really looking forward to that. We can have some real alone time without having to worry about who's coming home or the fact that's it's getting late and I have to go home. We (yes, we, lol) can't wait.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The Things I've Missed Over The Summer

So,I'm in my TV-less dorm room, and I decided to get on YouTube, watch some videos. I watched a few videos and have realized two things:

1) I LOVE being Jamaican (well, at least being from Jamaican descent)


2) I miss 2 of the things any Jamaican in the world (or at least in the tri-state area) shouldn't have: Usain Bolt crossing the finish line &&. the Jamaican float at the West Indian Day Parade in Brooklyn

If there is one things Jamaicans don't miss when the olympics come on: it's the meter dash races. Everyone is glued to the TV, watching the person (or people) representing their country do their thing (I have experienced this and have memories,lol). I'm kind of sad I missed it because I really wanted to see it and I know I would have been mad hype,lol. That's history right there. Plus my boy did the "nuh linga" dance after he won with the Jamaican flag on his back. SO sick,lol

As for the Labor Day Parade (as people from NY call it), I had an OK time. There were previous times were I had more fun than I did this year. I played mas for the 2nd time with Sesame Flyers and it was cool. But I watched some YouTube videos of the HOT 97 (a local NY radio station) float and they had Machel Montano (the soca king), Elephant Man (Energy God), Aidonia, Serani and my baby daddy, Tonny Matterhorn. Mi luv 'im ("I love him" in patois) ,lol. I had to buss out the Jamaican accent real quick,lol. He was supposed to come to the parade maybe 2 years ago, but he got deported and couldn't perform in NY and he was here this year. Since I played mas, I couldn't get to see him... now that I think about it, I could have gotten to see him. My cousin wanted to go see her man ting (as Milly calls them,lol) and as we were walking, we passed the float. I am honestly contemplating on not playing mas this year because of that,lol. Plus, them costumes are a pretty penny (I payed $208).

Besides the things I missed (a tear for both, lol), I MISS KEVIE!!! His mom took him to Canada for a family wedding this weekend and he can't even get to call me because of the long distance/in another country charges. I feel so lonely. He txt me earlier in the day to let me know he was ok, but still. I really wish I could get to talk to him. I keep looking at my phone, waiting and hoping that it will light up and I see his number, but deep down, I know he can't call me. I know he's thinking about me though. UGH, this sucks...

Friday, August 22, 2008

Back To School

Yesterday was move in day at Howard University. I now live in Meridian Hill Hall, which is off campus. A number of my friends live here so it was really cool to see them today. I haven't seen these girls in a couple of months.

After I moved in, I kinda got settled and went into everyone's room to see how it looks. My room is a lil "off",lol, but I'm getting it situatuated ASAP. After that, I went to the supermarket with my friends because some of them live off campus and they had to buy food for their house. I went back to my dorm to chill for a bit and then I was out the door again. We went to my friend's house off campus. It was fun, chillin with my girls again. Us just acting like complete assholes and cracking jokes and whatnot,lol.

Now I'm back in my room,just chilling. I miss Kevin. I only spoke to him once and it was only for a couple of minutes because he had just got in from work. He said that he was going to call me back and I've been waiting for him to. I honestly feel that he fell asleep or forgot to call me, which I would be a bit upset at. I would like to talk to him because I miss him and just want to hear his voice.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Oh Well, Going Back To Del(aware)

I know, I haven't been updating lately, but everything has been so crazy. I've been really busy. Now that I have some time on my hands, I can update.
This was a very eventful weekend. I'm glad that I did a lot of things this weekend, being that this was my last weekend in Brooklyn before I go back to school. Today, I'm leaving to go to Delaware to spend time with my family. Then on Thursday, I'm leaving to go back to Howard. So I'll start my weekend from Friday
Friday: I woke up at 5:30 am to go to the YRC. We were going to go to Splish Splash that day. we got on the bus by 9:30 and got there by 10:30. I haven't been to Splish Splash (a water park in Long island) in like 5 years,lol. The last time I went, I had no one to go on any rides with me, since I was with my parents and little siblings. I had a really good time with my friends. It rained when we were about to leave and I was really glad about that because we got to go on all the rides. Me after I changed into my bathing suit. This was the first time I wore a bathing suit all summer,lol
Alley & I. She was my partna in crime for the summer. I love this girl

Me, Robert, Jess & Alex. Jess was our superviser over the summer at the YRC.

We got back at 6:15pm and I chilled at Alex's house for a bit with her peoples. Kevin lives right down the block so I went to hang out with him at his house after. We watched "Perfect Stranger" and then I fell asleep. It was a loooooong day,lol. Kevin called me a cab and I went home. I went to sleep at 1:30am.

Saturday: Mellissa woke me up with her phone call. I was glad that she was because I had a lot of things to do that day. I got ready and left my house at 9:00am. I went to the bank to cash my check. After that, I went to go get my hair done but my hair dresser wasn't in. I met up with Alex and we went to find her sneakers. After that we went to meet up with Mellissa, who was getting her hair done. I got my hair done there as well. I got there at 1:00pm and left at 3:00pm. I took a trip to Manhattan to buy an outfit. I went to 34th St. and found nothing. then I went to SoHo, hoping that I would find something for the party. I remembered that Whitney worked in SoHo, so I went to visit her and lucky me, she was about to go on her lunch break. We went to grab something to eat at Wendy's and went to Necessary Objects to see if I could find something. I get a text from Alex saying that Milly said that we are on our cardigan flow, seeing as how Milly bought a cardigan from J. Crew and Alley was wearing her cardigan from Hellz Bellz. I already had a cardigan so I went home so I can get my stuff together to go to Milly's house. I got to Milly's house at 8:00pm and we were just chilling, waiting for people to come so the party could get started [Sidebar: Saturday was Milly's going away/birthday party. My ace boon bestie is going away to SUNY Morrisville this Thursday]. It got jumping around 11:30pm, or whenever the DJ started playing reggae,lol.

Kamilah, NaNa & Vianka

Kamilah & I rocking our Hellz Bellz

Milly looking so cute,lol

Alley looking fly with her Hellz Bellz & new Nike's

We were on our cardigan flow. I love these girls. They're like my lil sisters

The Cool Kids: Lance, Kevin & Ray

Dorian (my lil brother), Najeeb & Rholan "tekking" a pose

Mellissa's cake. It was red velvet

Rholan & Alex dancing

Milly, Lance, and Ray

The party was over at 3:30 am. Me, London (Milly's friend from high school), Alex and Monica (Alex's little sister) slept over. We didn't go to bed until 5:15 am. We woke up at 10:30 and were just chilling. Alex & Monica were the first to leave. After that, I helped Mellissa pack her clothes for school. We all got ready to leave at 2:15pm. I went home to get ready for my date.

Sunday: I got home, took the quickest shower and got dressed. I had to pick Kevin up from work at 5:00pm, so I wanted to leave my house by 3:00pm so I can get my toes done before I go get him. I get out the shower and see I get a missed call from Kevin, but he was at home. He didn't go to work because he got home late from the party. I waited for him to come over so we can start our date. First, we went to Flatbush so I can get my toes done. We hopped on the bus to Atlantic to go to 42nd St. so we can have dinner at our favorite place: Olive Garden. Before we ate, we took a trip to Jamba Juice

I LOOOOOOVE Jamba Juice,lol. We (Kevin & I) were so happy when we got our Mango A Go Go,lol

Then we ate dinner. I love that chicken alfredo, hits the spot,lol. It was just real cool and relaxing. The waiter we had was a really cool guy, he took care of us and was very polite.

I wanted to take a pic. I was going for the preppy look. I think I succeded,lol

After dinner, we took the Q train to Coney Island. That was a long ride,lol. I fell asleep while we were listening to his iPod. We got off at West 8th and were just walking around on the boardwalk, talking and just enjoying each other's company. There's a pier farther down the boardwalk, where Kevin and I spent majority of our time there. We talked, told each other how much we loved each other and were just enjoying being around each other. We had a mini photoshoot

My baby, giving me a kiss. I love it,lol

My train leaves at 4:00 PM , so I've been chillin since I woke up. I do miss my family and can't wait to see them. I will miss Kevin and all my friends. I know I have to go back to school and get on my grind. I'm kind of ready and then I'm kind of not, but I just have to take everything one step at a time

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Trying To Stay Positive

Being careless can go a long way. Pushing things out of your mind can make things easier. Life is meant to be enjoyed to it's fullest potential, even if there are things in the world that try to distract you from that.

I know I have neglected my blog, but I have been very busy. Between work and spending time with Kevin, by the time I get home, I just take a shower and go to sleep and do it all over again the next day.

My day was going good, until I started thinking about school. I love Howard, I really do, but the thing that brought me down was paying for school. Last school year, my mom accepted the parent PLUS loan, which she is still paying for to this day. This year, she's not accepting it again, which is understandable. I got awarded (from FAFSA) 2 grants, 1 loan and work study. Since my mom isn't accepting the PLUS loan, it leaves me short of my tuition. I do get child support from my father,so my mom and I decided that we would use that to pay off the rest of my tuition. The child support was my source of money during the 2007-2008 school year and since we're using that to pay off my tuition, I have to get a job. I don't mind getting a job at all. Lucky for me, I only have to save the child support from now (August) until January. I know that it's going to be a bit hard because I have to juggle school, work study, work, a relationship and my social life. I don't want to be negative and I am trying very hard to stay positive and I think that it's working. I'm just going to try to relax because I know that everything is going to work out in my favor.

Another thing I have to stay positive about is Kevin & I. Everything is going great, I am so in love as he is with me. We'll make a year on the 27th. It didn't even seem that long. It went by so quickly,lol. We went through some things, but nothing crucial and I am thankful for that. I am also thankful that we can deal with the things that we both do. I get sad when I think about going back to school because I'm leaving Kevin. I know it's not like we're breaking up, but I really enjoyed being with him these past 4 months. We're both going to be so busy with our lives but I know that we'll always have time for each other.

That's about it. I don't know what I'm going to do today, but I need to relax and stop being on edge about these situations. I may possibly go to Manhattan, purchase a Jamba Juice and go to Hudson River Park and just look out on the water with Kevin.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

What A Day

Today is special day to me. The 27th (today) marks the 11th month that Kevin and I have been together. To celebrate, we're going out to eat and going to Coney Island after. It's special because we're also celebrating out year today as well. Unfortunatly, I won't be able to spend it with him because I'll be back in Washington DC for school.

I'm not feeling too well and the weather outside looks a lil blah,but that won't stop me from having a GREAT time with my baby today

I have more to say,but I really don't feel up to par to type all of it right now

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Thinking About...

a lot of stuff. My mind has been on overdrive for a bit

(BTW: I'm watchin Pepper Ann on Toon Disney, one of my FAVORITE shows when I was a child,lol. I'm one of the biggest kids you'll ever meet)

1. Work makes me tired,lol. But yet, I continue to go out. Yesterday,I was really tired and was going to go to a party. As soon as I laid my head on Kevie's pillow, I was GONE,lol. The upside is that I'm getting used to waking up early so that will come in handy when I start classes later in August.

2. I recently found out that I have to pay $4,000 out of pocket for spring semester. It sucks because I'm used to getting money and spending it whenever I want. I have a job now so I have to start saving money from that paycheck, as well as the following paychecks. There are no negatives,honestly. I had money from child support and that money will be used to pay my tuition. Since that's how I had spending money, I will have to get a job during school. Now that I'm thinking about the job, there's a possibilty that I won't be able to go to NY once a month like I used to.

3. I love spending time with Kevin, whatever it is that we do. I wish I could be with him longer than we usually are together. I am going to miss him so much when I got back to school. I've been thinking about it today (since I am not busy) and I just know that I am going to miss him very,VERY much. When I get this job, I hope that I can get a weekend a month off. I love Kevin so much. I know I say it a lot, but that's just how I feel. I know that me and him will be together for as long as we say we want to be together. I want to marry him and that's a big step. I know,I know, it's early in the relationship. It's something that we both know we want, together. When we get through these next 3 years, everything will come a bit easier

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Incorporating Some Culture In Our Lives

So today was the last day for the Murakami exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum of Art and the boo and I made our way there (it's right up the block from my house). The "security" or the workers were telling people not to take pictures but people were clicking away, all I saw were flashes,lol. I got 2 pics in

This one is cute, so I took a pic, lol. This is Murakami's charater, DOB, also his alter-ego (I think that's what one synopsis said)

I liked this one because all the jellyfish eyes and faces make one big face.

Don't I look so cute? lol, I liked that specific statue

I really enjoyed going to the museum (especially with Kevin). I liked the exhibit very much. After this trip, we decided to include more culture in our lives by going to new restaurants (trying new food), going to the museum more often, other things that include culture, we'll try it,lol. From the museum, we went to Subway to grab something to eat. We then walked to Atlantic Terminal/Mall and I had to get my new addiction: Coldstone's ice cream, lol. I swear I am addicted to their ice cream. Just last week, I had it twice, so sad, lol.

Look at me, cheesing with my sweet cream w/rainbow sprinkles in hand, lol

I enjoyed my ice cream on our way to the promenade (one of our many spots). We just chilled there, talked, looked at the "waterfall", just enjoying each others company. I had a really good day.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Such A Busy Lady

I've been, yes, I know. Wednesday after work, I met up with Kevin at his house. We went to get some food and went to his granny's house. After that, we went back to his house and watched "First Sunday", then I went home and went to sleep. Thursday, I went to work, but we got off early because my boss was in major pain. I went home, changed and surprised Kevin at his job by meeting him there. He didn't know I was coming and was sooooo surprised,lol. We went back to his house so he can get ready for us to go to the movies. I was so tired that I fell asleep on his couch. After he woke me up, we hopped on the train to the Court St. movie theaters. We went to see Hancock

I had no clue that it was a comedy as well as an action movie. I honestly didn't know what to expect from this movie and like my boo said, as the movie got closer and closer to the release date, you learned more about the movie in the commercials. I enjoyed it, it was funny and entertaining. Plus, you can't really go wrong with Will Smith. After the movies, Kev bought me ice cream and while we were about to cross the street, this car pulls up and the person in the passenger leans over the driver and yells out the window, "What the hell you doing?" I'm on my phone,bout to check a voicemail and I thought Kevin knew who it was. I was bout to say,"Handle your friend, whoever she is", until I take a good look and I see it was my cousin Danniella. So they pull up to another curb, out the way of traffic and she comes out and we start talking, catching up on some things. After about 15 mintues, we said our goodbye's and went on our way. We hopped on the train to go home. Kevin rode the train with me all the way home [Sidebar: It's been a while since he's done that. He's getting a little too comfortable,lol]. He left and I got ready to go to a party. I met up with my cousin on the A train and rode it to 34th St. We got there and her two friends and Shannel were there waiting for us. As soon as we got there, we got in. The party was aight; the club was more like a lounge (in my opinion). The only best part of the party was when the reggae was being played, of course, lol. We all left the party and Adrianna's friend got us a ride home. I got home at 5 AM and was exaugsted. I went to sleep a quarter to 6 AM. I woke up around 1 PM and got ready for the 4th of July.

You know how most 4th of July festivites include BBQ's, fireworks, watermelon and american flags? Mine consisted of none of the above,lol. One of my friends were supposed to have a BBQ for me to go to, but that didn't go down, due to the fact that she had her own plans. I went to go meet Kevin at his job. When I got there, we just found out that he didn't get off until 5:30 OM, an hour from when I got there. I just chiled with him a bit, waited for him to get off. His "little brother" works at the aquarium as well, so we all left together. I was starving, so we took a walk to the McDonald's by his job and got a grab to eat. We then hopped on the train. he got off before me because I was going to my bestie Mellissa's house. I chilled at her house for a bit and then we went to her friend Vianka's house. Whitney came over to chill because the BBQ plans flopped on her as well and I didn't want to leave her hanging. We left Vianka's house to get some liqs for the evening. After that, we made our way to Sullivan St. to chill some people from there. We were all drinking and some were getting high. Majority of us were drunk and some of us were real nice, lol. We were all just chillin in front of the buliding, chillin and I was waiting for Adrianna so me her and Whitney can go to a party. She FINALLY got there and we left to go to this party. Now, it was all the way in the Dumbo area and I have never been there before. I also was supposed to go see Kevin after I chill with Mellissa, but I knew Adrianna was gonna be ranting and raving, so I went with her to the party. We got a dollar van to drive us close to the party and we met up with Adrianna's friend from Clark Atlanta as well as the host, who is from Morehouse. He walked us to his building and I was on the phone the whole way, upset because it was getting late and I wanted to see Kevin. I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to and I had the sourpuss face majority of the time. We got into the house and it was dark as hell. There was "Purple Kisses" by The Dream playing and I was like,oh hell nah,what the HELL is this? I left because I lost service and went downstairs to the lobby to talk to Kevin. I spent the whole time there. When it was over, this guy Adrianna was talkin to came to pick us up from the party. He was mad cool, as well as his friend. They both were attractive so that's what was wassup,lol. Damien (the dude whipping it, who is talking to Adrianna) dropped me off at Kevin's house. He and I watched this movie called "Kids". I swear, this movie will have you thinking. Such a shame....but anyway, I went home in the morning and was knocked out.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The Start Of A Eventful Week

I'm at work (but I'm off) and I have time on my hands. I know when I get home, there will be no time to blog, so here I am, lol.

This past weekend, I went home because the oh so cute and adorable Dyson B. (my baby sister) turned 1 year old !!! lol, yeah man, I'll put a pic up of her. I was just chillaxin at home, enjoying the daily cooked meals (I miss that ::pouts::). Me and my dad went back to NY yesterday (He works in New York). As soon as I got home (like 7:50 PM), I put my stuff down and hightailed it to Kevie's house,lol. I didn't leave til like 4:15 AM. I went to sleep at 4:30 AM and had to go to work for 9:00 AM. That DEF didn't work, lol. I called my boss and let him know that I was going to be late, being that I woke up at 8:50AM. I went to my job training and been chillin here ever since.

I'm basically going to be a camp counselor. I like kids, but the one thing I am NOT looking forward to is being in the sun. I mean, I look good and all, but I'm not tryning to get any darker. I am very content with my skin complexion is all.

After I leave from here, I'm going to buy food, go home and drop asleep. After that, probably go to Kevie's house. I gotta come back to work for training tomorrow morning for 10 AM, so no more late night weekday galavanting for me, lol. For this specific week, I'm going to be blogging because this week is going to be oh so eventful, lol

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

My Day (June 24th)

Today was a...very long day. I am very exaughsted, but I need to get my feelings out. I guess I can start from 12 AM, when I was at Kevin's house.

So, lately, I've been going over Kevin's house to hang out. I like being over there, I just feel comfortable. Plus, his family likes me, so I don't feel threatened or uneasy. We were chillin at the house, holding each other, kissing, watching TV and such. It was around 2 AM and I was laying on him on the couch and I told him that I just wanted him to hold me. As he was holding me, I was thinking, "I really can't live my life without him. And if I had to do, I would be so sad." Thinking this, I started to cry. He asked me what was wrong and we talked about that I was thinking. He told me that he felt the same exact way. He also told me that I am the only one for him and that he wants me to be his wife, to have his children, to live in our house and have the life we planned for ourselves together. We exchanged our "I love you's" and I was still being held. Then I started thinking about the two times I was very hurt (Blain & Ramel) and I just couldn't stand being hurt by Kevin because against my will, he definitely has a great piece of me. I also love him with my heart, mind, body, and soul and being hurt from someone that you love that intensely would just damage you in the worst way. I started crying again and started telling him why I was crying. He told me that he would never do anything to hurt me and that I shouldn't worry about that, nor should I think about things like that. After us talking a bit, I called for a cab and went home. I got home by 3:20 AM and called Kevin to let him know that I was fine. I went to sleep at 3:45 AM.

I woke up at 6:30 AM and got myself ready for my best friend's graduation. I left my house at 7:20 AM, bought a croissant at the store and was on my way to the train station. I got my hair done, I was looking very nice and I was just feeling good about myself, vibing to A Tribe Called Quest and N.E.R.D. on my way to her house. I got there around 7:40 Am and we left at 8:10 AM. The graduation was at the chapel at Columbia University on 116th & Amsterdam. It was a really nice graduation. Her graduating class is small, so a group of them would go up with their "teacher" and the teacher would say a few things about the student, then give the student a chance to give thanks or say a little something. When my best friend was about to go up,she was crying a bit and I was just so proud of her. It started at 10 AM and ended at 12 PM. After the ceremony, Mellissa (my bestie) was talking pics with her friends, walking around, just being herself, lol. We ended up going to this chinese restaurant (it was a real restaurant, not the hood chinese food spots,lol) called Ollie's on 84th & Broadway. I had chicken & broccoli with fried rice. The food tasted good and the rice tasted clean, like it wasn't fried off a caked up wok and whatnot. Mellissa's dad was driving and me and her were just knocked OUT in that car, lol. As soon as I woke up, it started raining. They dropped me off home around 3 PM and I thought that would be the end of my day until...

...the rain cleared up and I called Lauren. Due to the weather, I still wanted to see if she was coming to Manhattan so we can chill, like we planned. She let me know that she was still coming and I left my house to go to Kevin's so we can leave and meet with her. I got to his house and was waiting for about 15 minutes. When we were about to leave, she called and told me that she was there, so we left and hopped on the train to get her. We got there and went to my favorite place, Johnny Rocket's, lol. [Sidebar: I do not, repeat, DO NOT, wear shoes of any sort but today was special, so I wore these loafers I got from Payless. Now, at this point in my day,my feet were killing me. So I'm making the decision to not buy anymore shoes from Payless. These joints are fucking up my feet]. We started walking down Broadway and I was showing her the sights, the different stores and things like that. It was cool and so was I. Eventually, my cool was wearing and I was starting to feel the pain on the inside of my right foot. We go into YRB (Yellow Rat Bastard) and just walking on the type of floor they had was KILLING me. So I was gettin upset and was telling Kevin how my feet were killing me and he says, "Just be tough for me, ok?" He definitely wasn't in my shoes (literally) because being tough was out of the question. I was starting to get upset. We're still walking, bout to reach Canal St. and Kevin asks me, "Wassup with tomorrow?" I just shrug my shoulders, because I didn't know. So we get to Canal and I let go of his hand so I can hold on to the rail with dear life. We get to where the we wait for the train and I sit down in relief. I didn't want to talk and Kevin sat between Lauren & I. Kevin was trying to get me to talk, but it wasn't working. We get on the train and the pain was HITTING me, literally. I am gripping my arm, damn near in tears due to the pain and Kevin asks me what's wrong. [Sidebar: What the fuck do you think is wrong with me? My fuckin feet are in the worst condition and I could not take the pain any more. Like, what the fuck else would be wrong with me? You should tell by the look on my face that I'm in pain]. So we get to the LIRR train station to drop Lauren off [Sidebar: I'm sorry Lauren for ending the day like that, I was just in a lot of pain and it was making me really upset] and after we leave, I ask him is he's taking the Q or the 2 or 3 train with me. He asks me, "Do you want me to go with you?". Now,I am in pain and am fighting my body to stand and you're asking me questions. All you had to say was a simple yes or no. So I ask him, "Do you want to come?", he says "It's up to you what you want to do." That just did it for me. So I say to him, "If you want to ride the train with me, ride the train, if you want to take the Q, take the Q. I don't care." All I was caring about was getting off my feet. So he says, "I'm taking the Q" and I left him right where he was. That was so fucked up to me. You know I'm in pain and you're going to leave me like that, not make sure that I get home and am feeling alright? So I got on the 3 and am trying not to think about my feet. As soon as I opened up my door, them shoes were off. By the time I got home, they hurt so much that I started crying. I was so tight at Kevin that I wasn't going to pick up his phone calls. Personally, I would've ignored them, but when he called, I was blasting my music. I was going to ignore his phone calls, not talk to him or see him tomorrow and go home without saying shit to him. He calls me again and I pick up because I know that I would have a feeling on my heart if I didn't tell him what was going on through my mind.

I only got 3 1/2 hours of sleep and I am exaughsted. I'm off to bed.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Family...Or At Least What You're Considered (To Me)

Everyone has family and some people consider their very good friends as family. I am one of those people. I have big brothers (Steve, Reggie, Peter, Shanie, Day-Day), I have little sisters (Alex, Barbara, Mellissa) and I have a lil brother (Dorian). They all have a very special place in my heart and I love them very dearly. Especially for my little "siblings", I would do anything for them. If they ever needed me, I am definitely there for them.

Next Tuesday is Mellissa's graduation and I am in there. That is my girl, lol, and I CAN'T let her down. Dorian is also a senior and he graduated as well. Now, I feel that he should have told me because I would have been there with bells on for him. I call his mom mommy and she calls me her daughter. During his senior year, he was struggling to graduate. He didn't know whether or not if he was going to walk across the stage or not. So he & I were talking about it throughout his senior year and I was giving him encouraging words. He was even thinking about not going to college, but I knew that he wanted to go. Plus, I will not stand and let him be a product of his environment. I go to my homegirl's page and I see pictures of his graduation on his page. When I saw that, I was a little hurt, I won't even front. Like, why wouldn't he think that I wouldn't want to go? Or why wouldn't he think to invite me? I never expressed that I didn't want to go. I don't know, that just hit my heart.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Outfit Idea

I've just come up with this outift today actually. Nice for a day out with the girls or a midday date with the booAmerican Eagle Summer Camp Shirt - On Sale! $24.95

Old Navy Twill Cuffed Shorts - $19.50

Dorian Gladiator Sandals from Bakers - $49.95

I am a very simple girl, so excuse my lack of accessories.

A New Style

People that know me, know that I am a T-Shirt, jeans, sneakers kind of girl. I always have and I always will be. I won't lie, I like to dress up from time to time. When it comes down to it, I can always trust in my staple outfit. I am a rising sophomore at one of the most fashionable colleges (Howard University) and being at school has made me realize that my sense of style may have to alter. I'm not saying that I'm giving up my t-shirts, jeans and kicks, it just means that I can lay off of wearing them so constantly as I do. This summer has given me inspiration to change up my style a bit. Seeing other girls walking around looking glamorous and oh so stylish, I might add, has sparked something inside me, a little voice that said, "You got the same swagg as them girl, you just gotta take a chance!" With that said, this summer, I'm going to be a bit more "girly". I'm going to be buying more tops, shorts, skirts, dresses and yes, the ultimate, shoes and bags. Hopefully, the deep love for my staple articles of clothing don't get in the way of my style 180 (360 is completly, 180 is half way).

Another thing, I have taken in a new appreciation and interest in high fashion. Not just the "hood" staples such as the Prada America's Cup Sneaker

a pair of Gucci sneakers that everyone has, some common pair of True Religion jeans or a brown monogram Louis Vuitton handbag. I'm interested in so much more. My mom says that I have expensive taste and when I agree; I definitely deserve the finer things in life. "Nothing but the best for my boo", as Kevin likes to say. It's cool to have these nice things, but just step outside the box, find something else that no one knows about. And hey, who knows? People might catch on to what you've just "discovered". Something else I've noticed about people when it comes to labels: you don't have to wear something that has the name of the label plastered all over it. If people are really about their fashion, they will know what label it came from, as well as the season it came out.

One pair of shoes I will have in my possesion before I go back to Howard [Sidebar: I attend Howard University in Washington D.C., a very well known HBCU] A pair of Reva Ballerina flats from Tory Burch. I know, they came out like last year and there are soooooo many knockoffs and "remakes". They are just so adorable and they also look quite comfy!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Meeting The Fam

Yesterday was kind of a long day. Kevin took me to Queens to meet his aunt and his big sister (who share the same father). I had a good time and wouldn't mind hanging out with his sister and her boyfriend again. I would like to come back to Kevin's aunt's house though because his cousins weren't there and I have to meet them.

I was taking forever to get ready because I didn't know what to wear, I didn't know how to do my hair, I just felt like everything was going downhill. I eventually found somthing to wear, slicked my hair back into a ponytail and finally came downstairs. It was starting to thunderstorm, so Kevin and I walked to his house to get an umbrella. I was REALLY hungry (I hadn't eaten since Friday and when I did, I only had 2 slices of pizza for the whole day). After we got the umbrella, we went to this Jamaican spot by his house and got some stewed chicken with baked macaroni & cheese. We hopped on the B41 to Atlantic Mall and bought our ticket for the LIRR. We were on the train, just cuddled up and kissing each other. It was so cute,lol. We got off at Queens Village and walked to his aunt's house. I met his aunt, his uncle, his other grandma, and his cousin in law. His other cousins weren't there and Kevin said that if they were there, I would have had a better time. Kevin was just catchin up with his aunt and cousin in law and I was bored because they were talking bout family and things of that sort, speaking in creole. I was DEF out the loop,lol. Around 10 PM, Kevin's big sister and her boyfriend came and picked us up. Now, from what Kevin was telling me, I thought that she was going to interrogate me and make me feel nervous, but I was actually comfortable. They took us out to eat at a diner. Whenever I'm around people I don't know, I usually am quiet and soft-spoken. I guess I was a bit quiet because she asked me my family were church going and I was like, "No, I'm just quiet when I'm around people I don't know." She was like, "Oh no girl, you better get used to us if you gonna be around for a while." Lol, that was funny. After a lil late night meal we went to see "The Incredible Hulk"
The movie was cool for what it was. I won't say it was wack, but it was aight. I'm not gonna sit here and say, "OMG, this was the best movie I've ever seen in my life", lol, but it was cool. if you're into the whole super hero, comic book thing, then this movie is for you. After the movies, they took me home. It was a cool day. His sister was real cool, she's a funny one. her boyfriend was real laid back and chill, not for the drama or confrontation, like myself,lol.


Lol, the title for this blog rhymes, yes. It's definitely well deserved because the new N.E.R.D. CD, "Seeing Sounds", leaves me in excitement and amazement. I haven't purchased it, but due to the internet (, I had the chance to listen to the album before coping the album. I can't say that I'm much of a N.E.R.D. fan, but the songs they came out with, I did like. This is their first CD I've listened to in it's entirety and I must say, I LOVE it,lol. It has the rocker-ish, skater type of feel. I just love the whole album. I would do a "music review" for the album so I can practice what I'll have to do in the future (in my career, another blog about that will come in the future) , but I don't want to nit-pick and breakdown each song. But, if this is your style and you like N.E.R.D. or any group that mixes hip-hop/rap styles to rock, then this would be a logical purchase.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I Missed My Girls

Today was a nice day. It wasn't too hot, there was a nice, cool breeze flowing and I got to hang out with my girlies for a bit.

My good friend Egypt lives with her boyfriend and we (Jarena, Naeemah, Whitney & I) came to hang out at her house. This is the first time I've gone to her house (in general). She just recently moved into that apartment and the apartment she moved out of, I never came to visit her in. It's a nice, cozy 1 bedroom and I defintely got a homey feeling from being there. We chilled there, cracking jokes and conversing. After that, someone brought up the tape that we made. Lol, now it all started where Egypt, Naeemah, Whitney and I had to make a tape for a project. After that, we taped each other doing stupid stuff like :

-Doing a talk show
-Play fighting
-Having a fashion show

just to name a few,lol. It was so crazy because we looked younger, thinner, lol, all that. I was kinda skinny and looked really goofy (well,to me). At that time, I definitely was self-consisous and my self-esteem was low. I have grown into my looks and am a lot more comfortable with myself. Following the "home movies", we went to Egypt's room and looked at pictures of ourselves and were just reminicing. We said we should take more pics, make more home movies, and have a girls night in. We discussed about the girls night in and hopefully it goes down on Sunday, like we said. That would be really cool. We haven't had a sleepover 2 years,lol. The last one was at Jarena's house, well, all of them have been at her house,lol. This is the oldest pic I have of all of us together.

This was in 11th Grade

This was May 16,2008 for my birthday

Monday, June 9, 2008


I have no title for this blog. I'm just annoyed right now.

I am the type of person that, when I want to do something, I want to do it when I want to. Kevin & I discussed what was to happen today last night. So I wake up at 11 AM, chill for a bit,took a shower and got dressed. He was supposed to call me when he woke up and he didn't. So I'm sitting here, waiting for him to call me. I give up on waiting and call him. Just his tone on the phone was just real aloof and careless. I ask him if he just woke up and he's like, "Nah, not really, I was just relaxing." I'm talking to him about how he didn't call me when he woke up and he just says, "My fault". Then he asks me "What's the plan for today?" We talked about this shit last night. I swear, it's like he doesn't think sometimes. It's like he just speaks or just does something before thinking about it. It really makes me think that there's something wrong with him sometimes. At times, I just want to yell at him and make him feel so stupid and hurt his feelings, but then I take a deep breathe and try to relax because I know that's not going to help the situation. I know it's not nice to be mean, but there are times like this where I want to say, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you slow or mildly retarded? I know you have a brain in your head, so how bout you fuckin use it?" But that's not very nice, is it?

The only reason I feel this way is because I care about him so much. I'm listening to "Hate That I Love You" by Rihanna ft. NeYo and it is so true at times. When he gets me so upset, I hate the fact that I love him so much. But I know that I would rather him make me feel this way instead of another guy. Even when I'm upset at him, he knows just how to make me smile and laugh, knowing good and damn well how annoyed I am at him. It drives me crazy because I'm mad at him, but he makes me laugh because he wants to make me happy. If that was the case, you wouldn't do some of the dumb shit you do.

Now I'm gettin more upset because I have to fuckin wait for his fuckin ass so I can do what the fuck I wanted to do. I should just leave and do what I had to do. I HATE having to wait on people. You are wasting my time. I'm sitting here, waiting for him to call me. I'm back where I was an hour ago. I swear, if he calls me at 2, I'm telling him to stay his ass at home. If he did what the fuck he was supposed to do instead of laying in his fuckin bed, this blog wouldn't be existant.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Thoughts For The Evening/Morning

At this specific moment, I have a number of things on my mind.

Now,I just got through doing something that some may think that a jealous,non-trusting girlfriend would do. I agree with the saying, "curiosity killed the cat", because my curiosity defintely gets the best of me. I know I'm nosy. I feel that I need to know about things because people hardly tell me on their own. So I have to find a way to find out the things I want to know. The thing I did was read Kevin's messages on his MySpace account. It was wrong, yes, but he gave me his password to change something on his page. He has nothing to hide, which is why he wasn't hesitant as to give me his password. I was curious and I read his messages. I didn't find anything, which, deep down, I know I wouldn't. But I feel a certain way now, after reading those messages. [Sidebar: Sometimes, I tend to over-analyze things, and I am about to do that now] He had an ex girlfriend who he was really into, but she basically had too much going on with herself and her life to keep a relationship with him. She played games with him as well. While I read through his messages, I saw that on the same day we went on a date, he was still talking to her, which he told me he stopped talking to her in July. Then I saw that he told her to hit him up, 2 days after we got together. They had a brief conversation where she mentioned that she is moving to Georgia and going to Clark Atlanta. He said that he's trying to go to Georgia Tech and "maybe I'll see you there". [Sidebar: The FUCK you saying maybe I'll see you there for? Honestly, that's some shit I would say to flirt. You don't have to be nice, just say what you have to say and keep it moving]. She even asked about him to his homegirl while they were at school. It's either she's not over him or she still has feelings for him. He told me he's over her and all that good stuff and I believe him, but she just needs to let it go and move the fuck on. Of course, if you cared for him, you would still think about him, but still, leave it alone, don't act on it, you feel me? That's how I feel because I am honestly at a point in my life where I don't want to contact any ex-boyfriends or any dudes I used to talk to. They don't mean anything to me, AT ALL, and talking to them isn't going to do anything for me.

I am in it (love) deep. Nothing can take me out and I don't want it to. I have so much to give in a relationship and it's taken a while for me to find a person that is very willing to take and embrace what it is I have to give. It has also come early in my life, which kind of leaves me a little sideways about the situation. I hate being negative and being doubtful, but from where I came from (the person I was before), being negative was normal. Sometimes, I think that Kevin is going to change how he feels about me and leave me. I can't take that. We've been through so much and have given so much to each other, that if that was to happen (god forbid), I would feel so empty and sad. The way I'm feeling right now is such a great feeling. To know that there is someone that loves you just as much as you love them. I am in love with him as well, which is a different feeling. It's defintely a selfless feeling. It's like, whatever you do, you think about the other person first, before yourself.

I would be deeply hurt if I knew Kevin was doing something behind my back. I defintely would be a different person after it were to happen. I would be so heartbroken and upset, words can't even describe it. I thank God all the time for putting Kevin in my life the way he did. I know that I am blessed in many ways and for each way, I'm grateful. I am greatly grateful for the blessing that is this relationship with Kevin. In my heart, I know that me and him will be together " 'til death do us 'part." The feelings we have are too strong to not act upon. He was talking to his ex girl from junior high, [Sidebar: I haven't spoken with anyone from junior high in YEARS,lol], and he was saying that if he were to get married, I would be the one. This was when we were with each other for 6 months. June makes it 10 months and I'm certain that things have changed from February, or at least when he said that.

I want our future to go as smooth as it is right now. I'm smiling a bit because I'm thinking about the first time he said "I love you" (November 16,2007). Then the next day, we got off the phone and he called me back because he forgot to tell me "I love you." Since then, there hasn't been a day where he forgets to (or doesn't) tell me. Kevin has my heart and no one can take that away from him.