Oh my goodness, this boy knows how to work a nerve or at least I allow him to.
He just gets on my nerves sometimes that I just wanna chop his fuckin head off. (I think this is the stress talking).
I'm going to New York for a trip tomorrow morning and I was planning on staying to spend time with Kevin, but I'm not too sure about that now. Why would I want to be with someone who annoys the hell out of me at this moment?
I'm just so stressed and it would be nice if my boyfriend can be there for me and make me feel better. Granted, he doesn't remember I'm stressed, but when I tell his ass, he'll be like , "Oh yeah,because of blah blah blah right?" All I want his clueless ass to do is just try to make me feel better by cracking a joke, telling me how much he loves me, just do something that will take my mind off the stress, not add on to it.
Like last night, he was telling me he was on AIM and I asked him if that "girl" hit him up [Sidebar: Last Sunday, his ex-girlfriend hit him up and I was using his screen name at the time and I let her know that this wasn't Kev, it was his girl and to basically step off and leave my boyfriend alone. You still like him and you know he has a girlfriend. Long story short, she tried to shut me down by being the ghetto bird that she is and like the young woman I am, I kept it short,sweet and profane free] and he was like, "Yeah she hit me up today actually."Surprised, I asked him what did they talk about. He said she asked why was I acting the way I did and why did I come at her crazy and all other types of bullshit. He responded by saying,that's my girl and she was just letting you know the deal. That right there I think was the tipping point. I'm asking him why is he still talking to this girl if yall aren't even friends? He's telling me how he has no beef with her and he doesn't hit her up, she hits him up on AIM and he just talks to her. I was SO upset, I haven't been that upset before. I let him know that everything I told her that day is now canceled out, it made no sense becuase you're still talking to her and she's the type to think "Oh, she told me to leave her man alone but he's still hitting me up." Then after he sees how upset this makes me, he makes the decision then and there to dead this "relationship" they have. I tell him this issue never occured to you until I said something about it, you didn't have a problem with it until I brought it up. I knew one reason he made the decision was because I didn't like what was going on. I appreciated that, but at the same time, I don't want him to make his own decisions based on what I like and dislike. ::sighs:: just thinkin about it is giving me a headache. OH and then, after we discuss this whole situation, he asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell him. I told him how much I loved him a lot and that I won't let anything get between us, what we have and what we're trying to gain. He had the nerve, yes , thee nerve, to ask me if I told him that because of the situation. That made me MORE upset because my emotions are at a high and you're gonna come and ask me that dumbass question? You have GOT to be kidding me. He apologized but in my mind, I'm like, you're just digging yourself deeper and deeper. I just hung the phone up on him. It was rude, I know, but I didn't care
So we're talking tonight and nothing is being said on both sides. I feel that he needed to redeem himself of last night, but did he ever think of that? Of course not, because he has a penis. The conversation is going nowhere and he asked me if I want to go to bed. I might as well because aint shit going on here. I think I hung up on him again, I don't know, don't care either.
I really don't feel like talking to him tomorrow and if he hits me up, I'll probably ignore it or tell him to leave me alone. I'm really thinking if I want to stay in NY after the trip and as of right now, it's a no.
This song kinda of expresses how I feel (another joint heard off of Renaissance Black Woman, lol). It's called "Release Me" by Dawn Richards of Danity Kane. I just need to release (not in the way she was talking about though, lol) and relax, that's all I want to do. I want to do it with him, but he's not acting right, mm-mm, no ma'am