Saturday, January 30, 2010


Sidenote: Changed the layout. Kinda dark, but the shit pops.

Whenever something goes "wrong" in my life, I seclude myself and truly know that I'm all by myself. But like my mom usually says, "You were born alone, you'll die alone." Yet, she recently told me that she doesn't like that I'm by myself so often; told me I act like an old woman and I should act like a young woman and go out and shit.

I'm just bout to say fuck it. Fuck everyone, fuck this. Imma keep my mind on 2 things: school and work. Aint nobody out here gonna do shit for me but my damn self so fuck yall. I only have myself and that's how it's been for so long. I got through this thing called life for 20 years now with not much help and Imma keep living this shit the same way.

People act real funny style and people are really for self. I understand you got your life, but I do too much for people to get nothing in return. Imma keep doing it though because what you put out is what you get and Imma gets mines in the biggest way, I know it.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Where am I going? Nowhere

As soon as I get some glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, it's gets longer and longer and darker and darker. I want to give up so bad but I know I can't. I'm doing this for me, no one else. I know at the end of the day, I'll look back and be so fucking proud of myself because I've been through so much.

I don't even have the luxury of having my parents, at least my own family to help me.

I'm fucking done with the tears, I'm so fucking done. I woulda have thought my tear ducts would have dried up by now with all my crying.

I need help, I'll admit it, finally. I'm a proud person and I'm admitting this. But who can help me?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

New Year, New Start

You definitely don't have to wait until a new year to have a new start, but why not? lol

I'm nervous to start this semester. I haven't felt this way about classes since Fall 07 when I was a freshman, lol. I got alot going on, a lot to ride and I'm just going to keep it positive. I also hope I get a refund check, oooooohhh WEE, that would be a treat, lol. I wouldn't even use it on myself though, I would get books and pay off my phone bill with it. But still, it would go to good use.

I came up with an idea for Kevin's birthday, lol. It's in June but I do need all that time to prepare. I'm not even gonna unravel it for yall, I gotta keep it a secret, lol. But each year, I do it bigger. For his 20th, I bought him his favorite, an ice cream cake, I took him out to dinner and I treated him to a movie. For his 21st, I threw him a surprise get together. For the 22nd, use your imagination, lol.

I'm feeling cool, just taking everything one day at a time. That's the most I can do :)

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Too Through

Talking to my best male friend

Pillow wet from my tears

"Nobody Not Really" by Alicia Keys

"Still Hungry" by Sam Sparrow

Both on repeat

"I'm not ungrateful, I just want more from the life I lead"