Wednesday, June 30, 2010


When it comes to my feelings/emotions, I'm so bi-polar. Up and down, like a roller coaster.

I feel like the dude now. Sitting here, wishing to get that old thing back, wanting to do everything in my power to make things right again.

I'll be honest, I don't know exactly what I want right now. The things I've been doing is on impulse, I guess you can say.

We definitely need to talk. But I think we need this break; to think and take a breather.

I feel so lonely right now. Maybe I deserve to feel this way.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

For A Week

Me and HIM are on a break for a week. We got into an argument on Sunday and it has started since then. I won't front, I miss him, but I'm not sure how he feels. Maybe he feels free, no ties to him so he can move how he wants, do what he wants. I can't get mad at anything that goes down because we're not together at this point and time. When I called my mom yesterday morning, she said I sounded depressed. I think it was because of the break and other thigns that were happening at the moment. I woke up today and felt the same as I did on Monday. Do I feel this way because I know we're not together (as a couple)? Maybe because I feel incomplete/lonely. I haven't been single in about 3 years so this a fairly new feeling. I do wonder what he's doing on my free time.

I called my crush last night and we were on the phone for almost 2 hours. We're supposed to be linking up either Thursday or Friday. I like him, but it's to the point where I want to know more about him. I honestly don't know what he thinks of me. I get the feeling that he's digging the idea of me but I'ld like to hear him tell me.

I told him that I'll hit him up next week. I signed off AIM, being that I stayed on to speak to him. Deep down, I want him to try to contact me and show me that he wants me as much as he says he does. The type of person I am, you have to show AND prove to me what you're saying. Your words can only get you so far, but when the action follows through, you got me. I don't know. Knowing Kevin, he's gonna give me my space. Yes, give me my space, but don't act like you don't care. Do I make any sense? I hit him up yesterday to see if he was ok from a tweet he made. I'm showing I care but falling back at the same time. I'm in the middle right now. I'm thinking if I still want to be in a relationship with him or do I want to break up for good.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Quick Vent

Imma vent a lil bit. Can't tweet, got twitter watchers, lol. And no one really reads the blog, so yes! sanctuary, lol. Nothing serious, just a lil something.

Today is this boy's birthday and I guess his ex tweeted a birthday tweet and he was like, "Awww, don't be like that, big thanks, you know I appreciate it." Nigga what? The fuck you appreciating? Now me, I have to do certain things to not feel jealous, like make new friends. This is not out of spite. I'm trying this new thing, where I don't get mad so easily and take everything to the heart and for that to happen, I have to occupy myself and my mind. If I'm occupied, I wont have the time to think about lil fuckery like that.

I'm good though.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Take A Break

My boyfriend of nearly 3 years and I have been getting into a lot of fights lately. I think we've gotten into about 3-5 fights since I've been home and I've been home since May 11. He asked me if I want a break maybe 3 times from those fights and I tell him I want to be with him, but after this fight we just got into, I'm starting to really think, "Maybe we should take a break."

I'm looking at other guys, crushing on a couple. But you shouldn't end a relationship based off of a crush, I'm not dumb. But I'm thinking about my career and I don't want to be held back by a relationship. 

I also think about the other fish in the sea. I know there's a whole school of fish out there. I have a good guy who could be great, but what if there's better out there for me?

My mind is all over the place. I don't have anyone to really talk to about this and how I'm feeling because no one I know is in a relationship as deep as mine. Well, now that I'm thinking, I do have one person. I guess I should call her up. I know I have to express this to someone else, especially someone who's in a relationship.