Monday, May 26, 2008

You're So Last Year (Last 5 Years Ago)

2 songs on heavy rotation: "Customer" by Raheem DeVaughn &&. "Let's Just Be" by NeYo. "Customer" IS MY JOINT!!! lmao,I LOVE that song. NeYo def. went in with "Let's Just Be." The song is just so chill and layed back,I love that song too.

Ok fellow readers,this is another blog about a boy that has nothing to do with Kevie Poo. This is about Mr. Andre, my first (puppy) love. I started talking to this boy in November of 2003. I know I was a freshman in high school and was SO ecstatic that someone was into me (I had self esteem issues). We talked and we caught feelings for each other. I really liked him, he really liked me. We went out for like, 2 weeks, but we were talking for about a year. When he broke up with me, I was so upset. Crying and everything at my place of employment at the time. I got over it quick, lol, but we continued to talk throughout the years. I saw him last summer and I went over to his house. We watched "23" (that movie with Jim Carrey) and were just chillin and stuff. We messed around a bit, but I was a virgin at the time (Sidebar: Like I said, I was a virgin at the time and I wanted to lose it before I got to college. I was afraid that if I went to Howard, dudes would try to take my virginity, as if it was a trophy. So I mentioned it to Andre and he was DEF with that idea. But I knew that if I lost my virginity to him, I would regret it). I slept over his house and went home the next morning. I kept in touch with him a bit over the summer, but that was it. I messaged him on MySpace to wish him a happy birthday and he messaged me back, giving me his number. I am a very caring person, so I still care for the boy, you know? He asked me to call him but he had to wait because I was out with my pookie (We went to Coldstones,then went to Court St. movie theater to see "Iron Man". It was good, surprisingly, go see it!). So I called him when I got in the house (after being on the phone with Adrianna and Kevie). We talk a bit and he ALWAYS brings up old shit, shit that happened when we were talking. Like ,dude, get over it,t he shit happened so long ago. This is his "list" of things I was and things I did:

Andre (2:42:14 AM): 1 u ma 1st
Andre (2:42:37 AM): boo
Andre (2:42:41 AM): sweetheart
Andre (2:42:43 AM): luv
Andre (2:42:45 AM): like
Andre (2:42:51 AM): real kiss
Andre (2:43:00 AM): girl to stand me up
Andre (2:43:18 AM): to make me wait outside n not come out
Andre (2:43:32 AM): to hurt me
Andre (2:44:12 AM): to make me travel 1 hr and a half on the bus
Andre (2:44:23 AM): to make me even take a bus
Andre (2:44:32 AM): to make me go to kp
Andre (2:44:54 AM): to turn me on so intensely
Andre (2:45:06 AM): to introduce me to they mom
Andre (2:45:14 AM): to lie to they mom about me
Andre (2:45:26 AM): to let they mom drop me somewhere
Andre (2:46:39 AM): u da first girl to b ma 2nd
Andre (2:47:10 AM): to cheat on me
Andre (2:47:27 AM): to play wit my feelins
Andre (2:47:35 AM): and emotions
Andre(2:48:07 AM): to stress me out
Andre (2:48:11 AM): make me cry
Andre (2:48:18 AM): make me depressed
Andre (2:48:31 AM): to tell me i aint all dat
Andre (2:48:52 AM): to not laugh at all ma jokes

FIRST of all, I want to know how did I hurt him (He didn't want to be specific). Second of all, I never cheated on him. While we spoke for that year, I didn't talk to any other dude, so I don't know what bullshit he's talkin about. Third of all, I want to know when I made him cry because countless tears dropped from these pretty eyes because of his Jamaican ass. That "b ma 2nd" shit, I have no clue what he's talking about. And he isn't all that,honestly, lol, but I liked him, so hey.

I'm going to see him tomorrow, nothing major. I have NO feelings for him whatsoever,so there won't be any feelings "resurfacing." If anything, Kevin will be on my mind the whole time. Speaking of Kevin, when we were at the movies, he told me that he doesn't want to leave me and he has no reason to.

I am SO in love with Kevin, it's like I'm in another world. We feel the same way about each other and are usually on the same page, something that I've been looking for in a partner. I couldn't stand to lose him, under whatever circumstance. Currently listening to "Dontchange" by Musiq Soulchild. This is the song we're dancing to at our wedding,lol. Yes, we will be gettin married, no "ifs, ands or buts" about it.

Friday, May 23, 2008

All About You

So Kevin's birthday is coming up and I have some things planned for him.

Gift-wise: I was going to get him a Sidekick LX but the price doesn't seem like it's going down anytime soon,lol. Plus, everyone who's trying to sell it,is selling it for the price they bought it. Like, the value of the product has depreciated so the price should decrease. He lost his chain when he was in high school so I'm going to buy him back a gold chain. Kinda iffy about the LX because he has friends that might give him their Sidekick and I will be damned if he got it from a friend and I have a damn near $400 phone in my possesion,lol.

I'm gonna surprise him with an (vanilla) ice cream cake and just spend the day with him. The Cool Kids are having a concert in NY and fortunately, Kevin doesn't mind going. I really want to go,so I'm glad he doesn't mind. We don't get as much privacy as we like, so I'm going to get us a hotel room.

But yeah,his birthday is in 2 weeks, so I have to get things sorted out ASAP. Wish me luck!

Thursday, May 22, 2008


OMG. Now I know I am bored when I blog twice in one day,DAMN,lol.

Aight,guess I'll talk a bit about some thangs. While I'm in Brooklyn, I'm staying with my grandmother who lives in the apartment I spent 1/2 my life in. With my grandmother lives my uncle (who's like 30 something), my cousin (mid to early 20s and is never here), and my grandma's boo (he's hardly hear, pretty convinient). I pretty much have privacy when I'm here, my grandma stays in her room, her boo is out at work and my cousin is never here. When he is, he stays in his room. My uncle goes to work as well, but he's here in the early evening. Like just now, he came in from picking up his 3 year old daughter. Me, I like to have things my way, which usually works when no one is here and that's the way I like it. I'm here, chillin, catchin up on "The Real World: Hollywood" (which, is soooo good,lol), and in comes Ms.Melah (my lil cousin) staring at me like I did something. Lil missy, I been here before you were even thought of,ok? lol. Anyway, I feel that I need to be out all evening (at least between 4 and 11PM) because my space (the living room is where I'm staying at) is being occupied. Like,when I wanna watch a lil evening TV, my uncle is in here, chillin watchin sports. Kinda annoys me, but there's nothing I can do because things have been going a certain way before I got here, you know?

Which is why I really hope I get this internship. And if I do,I'll probably get a job because I want to be out of the house as much as possible. I say that now, but I know at night, there are things I want to do and having a night job will conflict with that.


This song (by Cassie, Prod. by Ryan Leslie), I just LOVE it. I can listen to it over and over again, as I'm doing right now. Because sometimes, "I wish I didn't love you so much." I'll get to that topic in a minute.

I had an interview with Maxim Digital yesterday for in internship. I think it really well. I hope that I get the internship because I need something to do. I can't stay stuck in this house almost everyday. I can't take it,lol. I'm going to apply to some more internships, some jobs. I'll be fine if I don't get an internship, but if I get a job, I'll be cool. I need SOMETHING,lol.

OK, back to the situation at hand. Now, I've been with Kevin for almost 9 months (makes 9 on the 27th) and it has been great, it has. But I feel as if I have changed a bit. Like, I make more time for him than my friends. But in all honesty, my friends don't really contact me like that. Back to my situation: for example, yesterday, I went to my interview and after that Kevin was going to call me from his nap around 1 PM and we were going to spend a nice day at this park in Manhattan by his school. I get home and I'm chillin, waiting for him to call me. [Sidebar: When I usually see Kevin, it's for a weekend once a month. Now I'm back for the summer and I'm trying to see him everyday, at least as much as possible] He calls me at 3 something and apologizes about not calling me because that;s when he woke up. I'm pretty pissed because this is something I wanted to do, plus he knows how I feel about seeing him. So I'm mad at him a bit but he asks me to come over his house and I told him to wait because I was watching "The Bad Girls Club Reunion" (Good stuff,lol). After the show cuts off,I leave and come over there. He tries to make me laugh and compliments me on my Juicy Couture bracelet (Thank you Bestie!!!) and I'm like, "Don't make me laugh, I'm still mad at you." We get to his house and sit down, looking at everything but him. I'm reading magazines on his coffee table, turned away from him and he's tryna get me to talk to him. By doing that, I had to let him know that everything is not going to go your way or everything is going to be fine and forgotten as soon as you make me laugh. He thinks that that's going to work and it's not. In the future, he might think he's gonna get away with some shit like that, but I have to nip that in the bud and nip it quick. I tell him that I was upset and he knows how I feel about seeing him. He apologizes again and tells me that he doesn't want me to be upset, he wants me to be happy. We discussed the situation at hand and I believe that it is resolved. I chill at his house for a bit and we leave to go grab something to eat at McDonald's. We walk to the train station and I get on the train to go home.

Today,I wake up at 3:09 PM and I do the "morning" routine and he calls me. So I called him back and he tells me about what he did today. He asks me what I'm getting into today and I thought he had plans for me and him. I'm like "Why,you gonna be busy or something?" He's like, "Nah,I just wanted to know." After about 20 minutes of being on the phone, he tells me, "Let me finish eating the chicken patty. Imma check this niggas (his friends, Bryan and Travis) and holla at you later. Imma hit you up later though." So I say "Bye Kevin." I never say bye and that should've triggered something in his head, but I doubt he thought anything of it.

The love that I have for this boy boggles my mind. It is so strong,so crazy to me. This relationship has changed my way of thinking, some of my actions, all that. Some of the things he says and does affects me and I really wish I didn't love him so much sometimes. I don't want to come off ungrateful, because trust me, Kevin is EVERYTHING I have ever wanted and I am so grateful to have him in my life as my partner. But when he does certain things, my emotions and feelings are at an all time high and by feeling that way, I feel vulnerable,a feeling that leaves me to be very open to anything.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Trying To Recap...

Since I've been very busy since I got home.I am actually very tired and am going to blog before I go to bed.

May 14

I didn't get much sleep since I got home very late the night before,so as soon as I hit the couch a.k.a. "my bed", I was knocked OUT,lol. I woke up at 8:00Am and took a shower and left around 9:15AM to pick Kevin up from school in Manhattan. I get out and walk to the place where I'm supposed to meet him and as soon as I reach the spot to meet him, he's right across the street. So he crosses, gives me a kiss and we go back to the train station to go back to Brooklyn to go to breakfast at IHOP. We get there and have breakfast, which was pretty good,can't lie,lol. We walk to the train station and get on to go to Flatbush Junction. We get there and go to the nail salon so I can get my nails done. I normally don't get tips,but I was in the mood,so I got them done. They're not long,pretty short and that fits me. After that, we walk to his grandmother's house. Funny thing,I used to live in the same building as her,but I used to live on the other side. Anyway,we get there and he talks to his granny and other people he knows. I said hi and just chilled at the table. My girl,lol, Tatie Michelle and sleep at the time. When she woke up,Kevin called me to come talk to her and we did. We talked about school,how I should come to Haiti for carnival, things like that. Then she starts talking to Kevin in Creole and he answers her in English and she wants him to tell me what she said. She said how I was very pretty and beautiful and how he chose a good one. She also told him that he should treat me right and not let me gert away. Since I'm so pretty and he's so handsome, she told him that we would have cute babies.Lol, I thought that was funny a bit,since he says the same thing. Then we go to his house and chill a bit and he walks me to the train station. I get home and eat some oxtail and rice and peas I bought from a local Jamaican restaurant and that DEF hit the spot,since I've missed that soooooooooo much while I was in D.C.,lol. I'm chillin in my house and my friend Gleronise was in SoHo. I decided to meet up with her and spend time with her before she went home in GA. We hang out and I get home, more tired than I was when I first got into the house.

I'll blog about Thursday (yesterday) later today. Today is a VERY busy day so I won't be able to blog about Friday on Friday.

The Day I Came Back (May 13th)

So I woke up early to catch the city bus to get to the Greyhound bus station (I live in Dover and the bus station is in Wilmington, an hour away). So I got on the bus at 8:30AM and got to the bus station in time to catch the bus to NY. I get on the bus and arrive in NY at 12:00PM. I'm struggling through the door and there I see Kevin, just smiling up a storm. I didn't even get to really put my bags down; when I walked towards him,he came to me and hugged me. He did a lil happy dance and all,expressing how excited he was that I was finally home. We took the train to my house, dropped my bags off and went to grab some pizza from our favorite pizza shop (by his house in Flatbush). Then we went to my hair dresser so I can get a very needed touch up,lol. He stayed with me and then we went to his house because we both had to use the bathroom. We were chillin in his house for a bit,kissing and stuff,telling each other how much we missed each other and how we're happy I'm home and stuff. So we leave his house and meet up with my cousin Adrianna and good friend Gleronise, who now lives in Georgia and I haven't seen in about 3 years. We went to Johnny Rocket's on E 8th St., by NYU and just had a really good time.

For my first day back,I really enjoyed it,just the way Kevin intended me to,lol

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Start From My Birthday

Since I've been to Brooklyn (On the 13th), I've been SUPER busy. I am also SUPER tired and am just going to blog about my birthday really quickly and briefly. Then I'll blog about the 13th and 14th later today.

So Kevin had pissed me off a 1/2 hour before my official day started so I'm on the phone with him pissed off. I get 2 texts, a voicemail and Lauren calls me while I'm on the phone. I just let it ring out and then right after, Whitney called me. I let it rock and she called me right back. I clicked over and she sung me happy birthday and that made me really happy. I connected the call with Kevin and after she got off, he was like, "Yeah, I was gonna wait til we got off the phone but happy birthday babe." So me and him get off the phone and I go to sleep. I woke up early to go to the doctor to get some birth control and I came home and took a nap. Kevin called me to check up on me and I was cool, we were talking. I was just chillin, lamping at home and Kevin called me again and we spoke for a minute.

My birthday was cool, people called me and text'd me, I got MAD love on the FaceBook and that made me feel real important and loved, Kevin shouted me out in his statuses on FaceBook &&. MySpace, Adrianna shouted me out in her status, my mom made me a cake and cooked Turkey Ham, Baked Mac &&. Cheese, Brussel Sprouts (my fav.) and Roasted Corn. That was sooooooo good,lol

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day!

Even though it's almost over, I'm wishing all the mommies and mommy's to be a Happy Mother's Day! Tryna get a blog in before I fall asleep on my couch,waiting for my boyfriend to call. And he said he'll call me early,smh.

So how did I celebrate it? I cleaned my mom's bathroom and I cooked dinner. Some tilapia fish, mixed vegetables and pasta with pesto sauce. It was pretty damn good,if I say so myself,lol. I got my mom a Maxiglide Hair Straightener, something she's been wanting for a while. It was a really cool, chill day.

I dunno,everytime it gets close for me to come to NY, I get a feeling. Like, I feel a bit bad for leaving my family to go to NY and live my life and have fun. My mom is understanding, very. So it's only a feeling I feel,it's not as if she makes me feel this way.

I'm about to hit the hay and I REALLY hope that when it turns 12:00 AM, that I don't get a flood of texts and calls,since it's my birthday tomorrow. Matter fact,I'm puttin my phone on silent because I have to wake up super early in the morning to go to the doctor. I think I'm going to wake up earlier than I usually do to make myself a good,hearty breakfast.

I'll def[intely] blog tomorrow,since it's my birthday! Still waiting for my boyfriend to call me....

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Dudes...I Have NO Words

Hey! I will try my very best to make this a daily thing,which will be a bit hard,but I think I can do it. As I continue to blog, I'll add on to it, with a new banner, a music thingy,all that good stuff,lol.

I guess I'll talk about my life,well briefly.Well,I'm in Delaware right now. And you might be wondering,why are you in Delaware? WELL,lol, in September of 2006, my family moved to Delaware from Brooklyn and allowed me to stay in BK with my aunt to complete my last year of high school. I graduated and have been back and forth from Brooklyn to Delaware. I just came home from college and am in Delaware with the family. I will be back home on Tuesday May 13th, the day after my birthday.

So the male species are very confusing to me,lol. I'm chillin on AIM, waiting for someone worth having a conversation with and this boy that I kinda used to talk to like a year ago IM's me. Now, I knew this boy (Benchy) through my ex. My ex broke up with me and his friend tried to consol me, tryna get at me. I wasn't really into him, but he was a nice guy, so I wanted to be nice to him. ANYWAY,he IM's me,asks me how I'm doing and whatnot. So I'm being nice to him, conversing with the boy and he starts talking some shit:

Benchy (7:27:49 PM): When u coming to bk?
Me (7:29:13 PM): on tuesday
Benchy (7:29:25 PM): Werd
Benchy (7:29:32 PM): I'ma c u?
Me (7:29:51 PM): sure
Me (7:29:57 PM): what we gonna do?
Benchy (7:30:37 PM): Chill and go to the movies
Benchy (7:30:42 PM): Don't front
Me (7:31:27 PM): what u mean,don't front?
Benchy (7:31:55 PM): Last time u came to bk u said we wass gonna chill
Benchy (7:32:05 PM): n u said u had to leave
Me (7:32:42 PM): I mean,imma be in BK for the summer
Benchy (7:35:31 PM): Oo aight
Me (7:37:51 PM): yup
Benchy (7:38:28 PM): so ill be waitin for ur arrival
Me (7:42:12 PM): lol,funny
Benchy (7:43:00 PM): Yup
Me (7:45:01 PM): you don't have to wait
Benchy (7:45:58 PM): That's mean I aint gonna see u
Me (7:46:50 PM): lol,I didn't mean it like that
Benchy (7:47:39 PM): (made a sad smiley)
Benchy (7:47:47 PM): It alright wit me
Me (7:48:20 PM): lol,oh boy,I didn't mean it like that
Benchy (7:48:34 PM): Yeah I kno
Me (7:49:55 PM): lol,ok
Benchy (7:50:27 PM): I understand u came 2 see ur bf
Benchy (7:50:35 PM): And not me
Me (7:51:02 PM): I mean,he is my boyfriend,lol. Plus,I have pplz here

First if all,he has the NERVE to say "I understand you came to see your boyfriend and not me", when you're telling me how you and your girl are going on a damn vacation. And that's why I have no words for dudes,because they are just too damn much,lol.

Back To Blogging

I haven't done a blog in about....2 years. What made me go back to it? I really don't know actually,but I feel that I should have an outlet where I can express myself and no one that I know can really know about it. So this is for my personal use and other strangers who would be interested in my boring life,lol.

So,I just completed my first year of college (at Howard University, in Washington D.C.) and I had a lot of memories.I miss my girlies already

But that's not the reason why I decided to start another blog,nor was it the reason I am up writing this. The reason: Kevin (my boyfriend)

I love this kid,to death. I would do ANYTHING for him. We've been together for almost a pregnancy (9 months come the 27th of this month) and I love him mind, body &&. soul. But he does things to annoy me. I know he can't help it and neither can I. Like today for instance, we're chatting on AIM and he asks me if I miss him (we're in a somewhat long-distance relationship) and I'm joking with him,saying that I don't. He tells me he feels sad because of what I'm saying and I give in and tell him that I miss him and I can't stand to even be a minute away from him. I knew he was at his best friend's house, hanging out; so he says "Aight babe, food is here and I'm bout to eat, I'll talk to you later." That made me feel like he was brushing me off. I tell him, "And now you're dropping me. I don't miss you anymore." Like, I'm telling you that I'll miss you the first minute we part and you tell me you're going to go eat. You couldn't at least have acknowledged what I said before you stuff your face? I may be over reacting, which I tend to do at times, but I am trying not to let little situations get to me. He calls me and we're not saying much; well,I'm not saying much. He's trying to have a conversation with me, but it was one of those times where it just wasn't going to work out tonight. He knows something is wrong with me, but since I deny it so much, he lets it go. So I let him know that there is no point for us to be on the phone if we're just going to listen to each other breathe on the phone and we end the convo. I have a feeling he knew something was wrong and just wanted to give me some space. Maybe I'm acting like this because I'm coming home (to Brooklyn,NY) really soon and thing are just annoying me. I don't know,but I do know that I miss my pookie and I NEED to see him,lol. I haven't seen him in almost 2 months and we're used to being with each other at least 3 days/a weekend a month.

I love this dude, I do. Regardless of the things that he may do to get to me and despite the things I do to rack his brain, we're in this together and no trivial thing will break us.