Alone

No matter what anyone tells me, I'm a firm believer that I am alone. Not one person will be there for you when you need them, how you need them, at least not often. I had a conversation last night with someone who said I need to stop pushing them away and let them help me, but where was this person today? Dealing with their own issues.

I don't have a problem with that. I feel like if you want to help me take on my situations, you're going to have to be able to handle both your situations and mine.

Are there people that are there for me? Kind of. But sometimes you want someone that experienced what you're dealing with, rather than someone who understands from you telling them. There's only so much you can understand through expression.

I feel a little overwhelemed because I have a lot to do in a matter of 2 months and then it's back to my life in D.C.; that's a completely different type of being alone but I won't touch on that.

I should enjoy my time in New York and deal with these issues instead of letting them attack me from left and right. I know what I need to do. The only thing holding me back is my negativity and the past. But it's the past, it happened already. I have the power to not let it happen again. And where is negativity going to get me?

::Sighs:: Note to self: just do it

New 'Do

Ok, in a couple weeks, it will be 6 months since I got a perm. It's pretty much been that way because the funds haven't been looking healthy. I was thinking about going natural (in a way, I was) but I changed my mind. At the point in my life right now, I don't have the time to really deal with natural hair. I have to do research, prepare myself before I take this major step. All in all, I'm not ready yet. BUT I will be going natural within the next 2-3 years, I just don't want to do it now. No, I have not seen "Good Hair" so I don't know what secrets Chris Rock has revealed to the world about perm and black hair.

As soon as I get home, I'm going to pay a visit to Annie's Hair Salon and have her hit me off with that "creamy crack." Do you think it's addicting though? I'm not sure. If I've gone this long without a perm, I think I can go without it for years. My hair has only been permed for 6 years. I know people that have had their hair permed since they were 5,6 and their 20 now. That's a LONG ass time. Along with silky roots, I'm going for a new hairdo. I'm really excited. I don't know what's making me become so risky, lol. I want to cut my hair like

that. She's been my hair muse for a while now and now I'm ready to make that leap. I'm thinking about cutting it to the length that has catapulted her into a fashion icon, you know, the short do. Not sure if it will fit my face or if it will look good on me. They have websites for things like that, so I'll look into it, lol.

Deep down, I'm gonna miss the "length" of my hair, but it's hair; it will grow back. By cutting it, it'll give it the chance to grow possibly stronger and healthier. Regardless if you're hair is short or long, the first thing you should want, is for your hair to be healthy.

My First Vlog

Personally,I think I look crazy,lol, but that's just me. I sound SO Brooklyn, omg. I can't deny it anymore Lauren! I would REALLY appreciate some comments on this video, then I can solidify my decision in making more videos.

I Wonder

I wonder if I take things to the heart. I really do. At times, I can be very serious and take things seriously, I know that. My freinds have told me this before.

Perfect example

So I'm watching this movie on TV One called "My Brother", which is about this dude who has to take care of his mentally challenged brother after his mother dies. Now, I have 2 siblings that have mental disabilities so I can kinda relate to this movie (I'm getting upset as I type this). So there's a scene in the movie where the mentally challenged brother is getting somewhat beatup by these dudes his brother owes money to. So I'm telling Kevin that it's hitting my heart and he's like change the channel and then procedes to tell me that he's going to hang out with his homegirl. I felt like he was disregarding what I said because it was like,ok, you said how you felt and now that you got how you feel out of the way, let me tell you about what's going out with me

I understand, it's just a movie, but it's still a situation that is near and dear to me. I don't know, I might have OD'd, but still. It's not like he doesn't know about my siblings, I've told him before. Even cried to him because of something that might happen to one of my siblings.

I don't know if the reason I'm acting this way is because my emotions are on high or if it's a situation that I take very seriously, or if it's a combination of both.

This has been the fourth disagreement/fight, whatever you want to call it, between me and him since friday. It's so annoying. Maybe I'm just a sensitive person.

Get It Right

::singing:: get it right, get it tight!

lol, so I'm trying to "get it right," a term my and my friends use to refer to working out and getting the body together. I feel like my stomach is getting a lil pudgy, I'm not comfortable with how it looks so I've decided to do something about it. Me and my bestie (Lauren) started doing stairs today; jogging up and down the stairs in our dorm to burn some fat. It took some wind out of me though, lol. We've decided to do it everyday for the month. After the stairs, I plan on doing some crunches. Hopefully, by April, my midsection area is toned down.

Today we had a snow day, NO SCHOOL!!!! I slept in, woke up 3 PM and went to The Diner. I had some french toast, home fries and hot chocolate. It was quite good, lol. I wish we had a snow day tomorrow, but I know that's not going to happen.

Oh yeah, my school situation is handled. I didn't really speak on that. Basically, my mom helped me out and I'm still in school. I'm so thankful for her.

Spring Break is coming up and I get to come home. I haven't been to BK in a minute and I miss it, lol. But next year, I'm trying to go somewhere exotic and warm, definitely.

Empty

I just feel so...over it. Like, I want to give up and people keep telling me, "Don't let it defeat you", "Don't let it get you down", "Try to stay positive", "Pray about it."

I got a notice today saying that I have to evacuate my dorm by the end of business day friday (Yes, this friday, the 20th). I'm wondering, why am I getting this notice? Is it because I owe Howard money from last semester? I have no clue but the notice said to go to the community director to basically tell him why they (Residence Life) don't have their money aside from the information they already know.

I go to my account online and I see my financial aid hasn't even kicked into my account, so I'm assuming that's the reason why I have to leave. I called my mom and she didn't really tell me much, aside from the fact that this should open my eyes and really get a job like I've been saying I was going to do. Just do what I say instead of just saying it. Funny thing is, I was going to go to my friend's job and this grocery store by me on Friday to get applications.

I feel so helpless. The only thing I can do is go to the financial aid building and see what the deal is and if I'm eligable for any amount of money.

I just want to be by myself for a while. I don't feel like dealing with anybody. I told two of my friends and one of them gave me some advice. The other one...aight, the way I feel about it is that I listen to people, I care about what they have to say and their feelings. I try not to say things that will make that person feel worse or still feel the same they did before we spoke. I also give you my undivided attention. I just want back what I give and I don't get that with people at Howard so I'm going to start keeping things to myself now. I know my mommy doesn't give much give advice, but she's not condesending or negative. Kevin tries his hardest to make me feel better whenever I'm going through something and Whitney always there for me when I need it, the way I need it. I have people to talk to when it comes to certain situations and I'm just going to keep it that way. From now on, I know who to talk to about what and that's just how it's gonna go down, personally.

Random Music #2

I was in my friend's room today (shout out to Lauren!) and she's always tryna stump me and ask me questions about singers and actors/actresses like, who was in this video, who was in this show, that type of stuff. So she asked me "Oh, did you know Lloyd was in that Sammie video?" So I said, "Oh, in 'I Like It' right?" and she was like,"UGH, I you know everything!" Then we started singing the song,lol. I was thinking about the song and it just reminds me of 5th grade. I just graduated from elementary school and my parent's took me to this seafood restaurant. They had TVs that played the latest video's and Sammie's song was playing while we were waiting for a table. I also remember my homegirl had the Sammie CD and she let me borrow it for like 2 weeks. While I had it, I played it every single day on my CD boombox,lol.



"I Like It" by Sammie

Little Dani

I had to have been 4 years old. In my old apartment b.k.a my granny's house. I still love food.

I think I was 2 or 3

The reason for this entry is because I was on imeem (a gift sent from heaven, lol) and I was just JAMMING man to some rockers, old school dancehall/reggae chunes. It just brought me back to my childhood. On Saturday evenings on 107.5 WBLS, Dahvid Levy would come on the radio playing all the old chunes and the new chunes and my mommy and I would be in the middle of the living room, dancing. if I could travel back in time, I would relive my childhood from 3 yrs old to 9, some of the best years of my life, lol.

Leave Me Alone Please

Rocking to Paramore's "Riot", I really want to left alone.

I just don't feel like being bothered with anyone (I know), especially Kevin. Since monday,he's been pissing me off. Today, I'm turning off my phone, I'm not going online. I feel like I should take a break from intereacting with anyone.

I just want to be left alone, I don't want to deal with anyone's problems or relationships, nor do I want to deal with male stupidity, I've had enough of that bullshit to last me for a good 2 weeks. I'm just through, I'm done, like, I'm fed up. I think I just need time to myself.

Kevin...all I know is that he's going to have to make the change that he wants to make and make it quick. I said it in a previous entry that you can't be the same person you were in the beginning of the relationship, you have to change as the relationship changes. I told him already, you can't do and say the things you would have said in the beginnning of the relationship. We've grown (well, I can tell that I have) and so has the relationship. When you're 10 years old, you can't act like you're 5. I just hope he comes to that realization and gets his shit together. I don't want you to change when I'm in front of you, change while I'm away so I know that I don't have to be on your ass for it to happen. Since he's been all talk, I told him your words don't mean much to me right now, you're going to have to prove it to me by doing the things you say.

I'm off to bed

Introducing...Dani B.

Notice anything different? lol, I was wondering how to do it as well and I figured it out all by myself

I was reading some kid's blog and his first blog was about him, so I thought to myself, hmm,that makes sense, maybe I should make a blog entry introducing me to the blog world. So,that's what I'm about to do,lol

My name is Danielle S. Brissett but everyone calls me Dani, Dani B. or DB. I'm from Brooklyn, New York from Jamaican parents. I am a sophomore print journalism major at Howard University. My goal is to have a career in journalism as an entertainment journalist. I LOVE it at HU. Even though there are times where I wanna blow the shit up, lol, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

I love to sing, dance, write, eat, sleep, hang out with my friends, go out, watch movies, and listen to music. I listen to most types of music. I'm an R&B chick, but I can get down with some Hip-Hop from time to time. Music is one of the things that keeps me sane in this world.

I'm a real cool chick, very down to earth. A lot of people tell me I'm funny so I'm glad that I can make people laugh. I'm pretty honest with myself and other people but some people just don't know how to handle how blunt my honesty is. I try to stay postitive and it usually works out. I'm very carefree and it takes alot to make me mad, but I can get annoyed easily. I can be very shy at first, but once I'm comfortable, I can become very silly and goofy. I'm not a social butterfly, I usually stay reserved and to myself or the people I'm cool with. I'm lazy but when I'm determined to do something, it defintely gets done.

I'm not materialistic, but I love clothes and shopping, even though I don't really have the funds,lol. Some people say I have an addiction, but if that was the case, I wouldn't be able to pay my phone bill, some school fees, my books and things of that sort. My mom told me once that I like expensive things, which I guess is true. I hate cheap looking clothes, that's just not my style.

I have a boyfriend, his name is Kevin _________ (I'm not gonna put his buisnass out there like that, lol). I met him at a get together and we started talking in August 2007, before I left to go to college. We made it official August 27, 2007 and have been together for 1 year and 3 months so far. When I met him, I thought he was going to like any other dude I would talk to: we would talk and eventually lose touch, but he is different from any other dude I every talked to or was ever with. I am in love, I won't front and so is he. I honestly feel like he is the one for me but only time can tell. He gets on my nerves sometimes and I wanna slap the shit outta him, but he remains his composure and I can't stay mad at him forever, lol. He lives in Brooklyn, so yes, I am in a long distance relationship. It is hard because I can't see him whenever I want to, but it's all worth it at the end of the day. That's my pookie and I love him :-D

I think that's enough, I don't have any followers so I really don't know who's going to read this, lol. If you want to know more about me, just hit me up or read up on the blog

What The...

FUCK man?! I've been up since 12:00PM yesterday

Yesterday was the last day of classes and you would think I would have been celebrating with the homies. No, your girl stayed in her dorm to do her fuckin take home quiz with hardly any notes to refer to. I started this blasted quiz at 6:30PM...

it is now 6:44AM (as I'm typing this). It's due today at 3:00PM, but I have things to do tomorrow, so I can't go to sleep and wake up and finish it. I am so tired and stressed out, it's not even funny. I broke down twice today. I feel so defeated. Something inside of me wants to quit and walk away from it all, but at the same time, there's something inside of me that wants to stick it out; something inside that doesn't want to give up. I'm just so pent up with stress that I don't know what to do. To be honest, I haven't felt like my complete self this whole semester.

Have you ever wished that you can step outside of your body? That's how I feel.