Empty

I just feel so...over it. Like, I want to give up and people keep telling me, "Don't let it defeat you", "Don't let it get you down", "Try to stay positive", "Pray about it."

I got a notice today saying that I have to evacuate my dorm by the end of business day friday (Yes, this friday, the 20th). I'm wondering, why am I getting this notice? Is it because I owe Howard money from last semester? I have no clue but the notice said to go to the community director to basically tell him why they (Residence Life) don't have their money aside from the information they already know.

I go to my account online and I see my financial aid hasn't even kicked into my account, so I'm assuming that's the reason why I have to leave. I called my mom and she didn't really tell me much, aside from the fact that this should open my eyes and really get a job like I've been saying I was going to do. Just do what I say instead of just saying it. Funny thing is, I was going to go to my friend's job and this grocery store by me on Friday to get applications.

I feel so helpless. The only thing I can do is go to the financial aid building and see what the deal is and if I'm eligable for any amount of money.

I just want to be by myself for a while. I don't feel like dealing with anybody. I told two of my friends and one of them gave me some advice. The other one...aight, the way I feel about it is that I listen to people, I care about what they have to say and their feelings. I try not to say things that will make that person feel worse or still feel the same they did before we spoke. I also give you my undivided attention. I just want back what I give and I don't get that with people at Howard so I'm going to start keeping things to myself now. I know my mommy doesn't give much give advice, but she's not condesending or negative. Kevin tries his hardest to make me feel better whenever I'm going through something and Whitney always there for me when I need it, the way I need it. I have people to talk to when it comes to certain situations and I'm just going to keep it that way. From now on, I know who to talk to about what and that's just how it's gonna go down, personally.