Sunday, May 3, 2009

Aight... this post won't be hard to write, but I'm just tryna get my thoughts together. Some things I want to point out about myself, relationship-wise. When I get into a fight with Kevin, I get really mad or upset and I say really mean things. I talk mad shit so he can feel what I'm feeling. I think I do that so he can know how I feel and not do things to make me feel the way I do. Sometimes, I feel bad and give in and apologize or talk to him, but only when I feel I'm wrong, because I'm not going to apologize just so you can feel good. If I'm truly sorry, I'll say it.

Last night started off by him getting a bit upset I guess because I was laughing at something he said, something really small. So he tells me he's gonna hang with his homegirl (his good friend from H.S.). Truth be told, I get a weird vibe about this friendship. I honestly feel that either he used to like her or she used to like him. When he told me this, I just responded with 1 word answers and lied to him, telling him I was cool. I have a bad habit of doing that, saying I'm good instead of just straight out telling him how I feel. I go to sleep, wake up and he hits me up,telling me he decided to hang out with the girl. So I'm like ok,like it doesn't faze me. He knew something was wrong, but I just tried to end the convo because I knew what was coming and I knew I would get over it (at the moment) if we just stopped talking about it. But he insisted, so I went in on him.

Basically, I told him his friendship with her made me feel uncomfortable and it didn't sit well with me. The last time he saw her, he went to her house and was hanging out with her family, like playing with her baby sister and kicking it with her parents and shit. I feel like that's something you do with your girlfriend, not your friend. I don't know if I'm taking it to the heart but it just made me really emotional. I have friends and I don't be kicking it at their house like that. Even my close male friends, I'll be cool with the fam, but I'm not gonna chill over there like that. It's just weird to me, I'm not getting a normal vibe. THEN he talks to her about me. Example: the last time I came home, he was supposed to get me something to eat and I didn't eat all day because I was expecting the food. He didn't bring me anything so I was PISSED. I didn't talk to him while he took me home. we get to my house and he asks if I need help with my bags. Um, I carried my bags the way home this whole time, I don't need your help up the stairs. So he left and was like, I'll let you know when I get home. He txt's me and we're arguing via txt. So the next day, we're cool and all and I see a text to her, where he's like, oh yeah, me and her are fighting, blah blah blah, something along those lines. First of all, DO NOT talk to no next biddie about me, especially if it is a small situation. It's so bad that you have to cry to some next girl about some small shit I did, reeeaallly? You gotta be kidding me. I understand if it's a big situation and you have no clue in handling it, but something as small as a lil argument/disagreement?

::sighs:: If he thinks I'm mean, lol, he doesn't know mean because I can go IN, trust me. The things I say to him are mere child's play to what I actually want to say at times. But to spare his feelings, I hold me tounge because I know after I say those mean things, I don't mean it...well maybe not completly.

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