I don't want to say, "I'm about to get deep"...Imma just put it out there

Ok, so my mom says that I go on without a care in the world. In a way, I agree. If it's out of my hands, it's out of my hands, there's nothing I can do about it. I go by " things happen for a reason" and they do. But being a human, I want to know the reason right now.

Sophomore year was a hard year for me. In my first semester, I did horrible, which put me on academic probation. Now I'm at the end of my "sophomore" year, it's a possibility that I won't be coming back to Howard in the fall. I don't want to leave, my dream was to graduate from here. But if I have to leave, then I have to leave. School means a lot to me and I'll do what I have to do to make my dreams come true, but I have to deal with things one at a time. What if my life plan wasn't to be at Howard? What if I wasn't supposed to finish college? If you fight against it and choose the wrong path, you'll know because it doesn't feel right. But you know what? Being here feels right to me but there are always obstacles that get in my way. That's life for you, you gotta take the good with the bad.

I can't take negativity, I can't be around it, I can't deal with it. I live my life as positively as I can. My friend is stressed about our living situation, but it's like, you don't know the whole situation and what can possibly come from it, so you gotta stay as positive as you can. And if the shit doesn't work out, then you gotta move on. Honestly, I don't feel comfortable with going back home, not knowing where I'm going to live.

::sighs:: I have to start taking responsibility. No matter how much I don't want to grow up, I have to. I'm becoming an adult so I have to start acting and thinking like one.