::sighs:: I give up. I'm not reach out to anyone here anymore. Imma be on my school shit, heavy. I'll only concern myself of school, family, my friends at home and my relationship

When I first got into this relationship with my boyfriend, it didn't cross my mind that there would be times that I'm going to be ridiculously lonely without him. It also didn't cross my mind that there would be times where we won't see each other for months at a time. We're going through something right now. He's working now, about to start school. I'm in D.C. for school, about to start working; we've never been this busy simultaneously. It was either we were both at school or I was was working and going to school and he was taking a break from school. It's hard for me to deal with because I don't know when I'm going to see him again and I have to get used to the fact that we're apart again. He said he's trying to figure out a way to get here and that he has to handle some things first before he can make this trip.

::sighs:: I just want him here but at the same time, I don't want him to make a decision that may jeopardize his job.


I WANT MY BABY

You Gotta Believe

My mom and my sister were here a couple of hours ago, helping me move in my stuff so now my room is 80% complete.

Yesterdat was such a LONG day, I was on campus from 12 pm to 6:45 pm, going back and forth, up and down the hills to get things done. Long story short, I'M BACK BABY! I am again, a student at Howard University and I couldn't be any happier. I have all the classes I need, I don't owe the school money, talk about Ws all around.

I try not to be preachy because everyone isn't a believer. I prayed about it, thought positive thoughts about. Every time I went to campus, I spoke to everyone politely, smiled, I was polite and I kept my spirits up. It worked. When something is for you, you know it.

I've been in D.C. for 2 days and I feel so alone. I HATE that feeling. Yeah, I have my family, I have my friends and I have Kevin but I'm still by myself. I don't know why I'm so upset while I write this but I am

Positivity

I believe when one good thing happens, other good things will soon follow.

With that being saaiiid...I found a place to live! So happy, lol

Next to be conqured: school situation

Keep you posted.

Move Forward

The last post I wrote, I was going through something. ::sighs:: I'm better now. Stress and me worrying got the best of me.

School is approaching and I will be back at Howard. I'm ready. Currently looking for a place to live but I will get that situatated before classes begin.

I'm sure when I return, things will be different. I feel like I'm a loner. The majority of my followers on twitter are Howard University students and they all pretty much know each other, especially students within the same class. I don't really have a lot of people I can call friends there and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I feel left out and I've always felt that way, since high school. Everyone wants to belong, of course, but I just want to be included, thought of. I'm certain that I don't cross people's minds as someone to hang out with. I'm basically invisible on campus, in my opnion. It's too late for me to make new friends beause everyone is either 1) about to graduate or 2) already clique'd up.

I will focus on my school work, but when I want to hang out and release, I don't have much of a selection.

Green Grass

For the last... 2 years, I've been through a lot of ups and downs and it seems like they just keep on coming.

With anything I ever had, I had to bust my ass to get it.

My senior year of high school, I went through it without my family, worked hard to get good grades and to get accepted into the college of my dreams.

Since my second year of college, I've been doing my hardest to at least pass majority of my classes.

Last year, I went through the 1st half of my third year with little to no food, no money, trying to get by in my classes, crying 3-4 times a week.

I had no job for majority of this summer, so I was broke like a joke. My main thing this summer was to get a job and stack heavy so I could find a place to live off campus and not have to relive what I went through. I went HARD looking for a job and eventually, I found one.

I took the semseter off to get my money up and I did, but now I have no place to live and school starts on the 11th. So I have about less than 2 weeks to find a place to live.

Fuck it, people I know do have it better and way fucking easier than I have. I work so fucking hard and go through so much for EVERYTHING I have. Other people's lawns look way better than mine.

The only thing I want is to steadily get through life with minimal curveballs. I feel like I can't deal with this, but I have no choice but to.