Wednesday, December 15, 2010

What I Want

And to think, I was going to delete my blogspot. Psshhh, I'm buggin'. This is one of the only things I can come to when no one (wants to) listen. A real human being would be great, but I have no one around so blogspot, you'll have to do.

Sooooooo, I'm going back to D.C. at the top of the new year, which is no more than 2 weeks away. I want to see as much people as I can before I go and one of those people is my boyfriend, Kevin. You guys may remember him, the only dude I talk about here. Anyway, I've been in New York since May and we've spent the most time together since we've been a couple (as soon as we got together, I went off to college, leaving us in a long distance relationship). Each day we've spent together has been wonderful, but now that the time for me to leave draws close, our plans always seem to get fucked up. It makes me really upset because I believe that he should spend as much time with me as he can. He makes somewhat of an effort, but I want more. I want things to go my way. When we say we're gonna hang with each other, that's it, no interruptions, no wrench in the plans, no nothing; just me, you, and the plans we made. It seems to be easier said than done. The reason we probably won't be seeing each other later today is because of this side job he does periodically. You're getting some type of money, ok, I shouldn't knock you, but understand how that's making me feel. Understand that there has been something that has allowed us to not do what we planned since late November.

I believe that I am a very understanding girlfriend. I let him hang with his friends, I hold him down when he needs to be held down, I'm there for him when he needs and/or wants it, when shit doesn't go our way, I help come to a mutual agreement, but I'm tired of doing that. Why can't things happen the way I want them to happen?

I can't even get my thoughts together because I'm so flustered by what's happening. I want to scream, kick, curse, and cry. My emotions are getting the best of me (time of the month). I want what I want and that's it.

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