I'm supposed to be doing an article but I have to get these thoughts out.

I just realized something; I don't have any friends that are/will be into the things I am. My best friend is a mom to my handsome godson, my other friend is pregnant, I can only drink with my other best friend, my Howard bestie will be boo'd up when we graduate and she has mad friends at HU so I can't hang with her often.

I like to party, go to bashments and wine up. I like to smoke. I like to chill. My best friend who is my godson's mom, that was my ace. Bashments, we was in there. But now she's a mommy so she can't attend every event. There is only one person who is into the things I previously listed and we don't talk anymore.

All I got is my boo and I don't wanna depend on him. Is my "social" life really over? People are becoming moms, getting into serious relationships. I mean, I've been in a serious relationship for 3 1/2 years but I always did my thing on the side.

I would make new friends, but that's hard.

Missing You

It's mad late, or early, depending on who's reading, lol. But I'm just up, thinking about going back home to Brooklyn and thinking about hanging out with my besties. ALL of them, lol.

I'm thinking about the times I've been with Sexy 6 (Whitney, Naeemah, Jarena, Egypt, Shazel) and we just cracking jokes, reminisicing about the high school days, acting the damn fool and just LAUGHING. Now when I come home, I get to see my lil "niece" Samaya, a new baby in my life, lol.

I'm thinking about all the times me and Milly would be at her house just acting SO stupid and all the new friends I made through her. Her father joking on me and us just laughing like fools, lol. Me tryna find something to eat in her house, it ever fails. I'm thinking about the times I would be chilling with Alley and just talking about life, talking about relationships, throwing little funny things in to say. Then all three of us hanging and it's never a dull moment, NEVER, lol. Hanging out with Dorian, just being so stupid and acting like true brother and sister. Chillin with Rholan's ass and him always saying something to just have me giggle. I'm always in a good mood when I'm with him or any of these people.

All these people have a special place in my heart and I miss them so much. I've been so stressed in D.C. and I truly need a break. Being in the presence of these special people makes everything better and I would love to experience that ASAP. I have to wait until December though. It'll be well worth it though, I'm so excited, lol.

Homesick

I MISS DELAWARE & BROOKLYN!!!!

I only miss Delaware because that's where the fam is at and I miss my family MUCHO. Plus, it's quiet and SUPER 'lax whenever I go home.

These are the things I've missed:

-My Mommy, Daddy, and siblings
-Home cooked food
-Unlimited snacks
-Real cable
-My Dad on the grill
-My Mom and Dad cutting on each other
-Coldstones ice cream
-Having something to do every day/every other day/every weekend
-Jerk chicken
-Oxtail
-My granny's cooking
-Being able to walk/take the bus or train everywhere
-Flatbush in the summer
-MY BESTIES
-Backyard/basement bashments
-Reggae & Soca music being blasted out of every car
-Jamba Juice
-The promenade
-All the food spots I love in BK
-Just chillin or hanging out with my favorite ppl

And last but not lease......

-I miss my Kevie

lol,I hope I didn't forget anything, but that's pretty much it. I had to let it out. School's pretty much fin pour moi (finished for me en francais) so I'm just itching to go home.

Empty

I just feel so...over it. Like, I want to give up and people keep telling me, "Don't let it defeat you", "Don't let it get you down", "Try to stay positive", "Pray about it."

I got a notice today saying that I have to evacuate my dorm by the end of business day friday (Yes, this friday, the 20th). I'm wondering, why am I getting this notice? Is it because I owe Howard money from last semester? I have no clue but the notice said to go to the community director to basically tell him why they (Residence Life) don't have their money aside from the information they already know.

I go to my account online and I see my financial aid hasn't even kicked into my account, so I'm assuming that's the reason why I have to leave. I called my mom and she didn't really tell me much, aside from the fact that this should open my eyes and really get a job like I've been saying I was going to do. Just do what I say instead of just saying it. Funny thing is, I was going to go to my friend's job and this grocery store by me on Friday to get applications.

I feel so helpless. The only thing I can do is go to the financial aid building and see what the deal is and if I'm eligable for any amount of money.

I just want to be by myself for a while. I don't feel like dealing with anybody. I told two of my friends and one of them gave me some advice. The other one...aight, the way I feel about it is that I listen to people, I care about what they have to say and their feelings. I try not to say things that will make that person feel worse or still feel the same they did before we spoke. I also give you my undivided attention. I just want back what I give and I don't get that with people at Howard so I'm going to start keeping things to myself now. I know my mommy doesn't give much give advice, but she's not condesending or negative. Kevin tries his hardest to make me feel better whenever I'm going through something and Whitney always there for me when I need it, the way I need it. I have people to talk to when it comes to certain situations and I'm just going to keep it that way. From now on, I know who to talk to about what and that's just how it's gonna go down, personally.

A Little Outing

Today was a good day. I went to my classes and then I came back with my ace boon. She came with me to TWO grocery stores! Isn't she so sweet? lol. First we walked to Giant and on our way we passed Staples. My friend/old roommate Tajah works there so we decided to hit her up and convinently, she was about to go on her "lunch" break. I got my groceries and we walked Jah back to her job. I dropped my stuff off and Lauren and I walked to another grocery store called Harris Teeter's. Yeah, I know, I've NEVER heard of it either,lol. So, last year around this time, she met this guy and they were talking and whatnot and homie turned out to be a stalker. Come to find out,stalker boy works at Harris Teeter's! LMFAO, as soon as she saw him, she booked it out of the store. So dramatic,lol.

We got back to the dorm and we got ready to go to Hooters. I've been FEENING for some wings and so has Gillian (a new homie). We decided to go. That's the only pic I took while we were there, I was hungry, lol. I like their wings and it was pretty spicy. We get out of the restaurant and start walking up the block and Gillian says,"What is that?" I'm like "What?" and then I look to the left. Me, Gill, Lauren and 4 other people that were walking in our vicinity screamed and ran. It was a big ass D.C. rat, lol. Me and Gill ran up the block and Lauren's melodramatic ass was running in the street. We finally got to Haagen-Daz and I got a Bailey's rum shake, which hit the spot.Mmmm, looks good, lol.

Lauren & Gillian with their ice cream. After Lauren took 20 minutes to finish her ice cream, lol, we got on the train back to Meridian.

Us on the Metro. So Gillian started skipping and I was talking about when I was a "yute" how I would skip fast and say, "Look at me mommy!" (I thoroughly enjoyed my childhood,lol). So we all started to skip, and of course, I was skipping the fastest, lol. It was fun. Then Gillian asked me to skip with her up the block and we did. I let her win at first, but I caught up, lol. I had a lot of fun today, it was cool and relaxed.

I will be doing another blog, but it'll be more centered around entertainment. You know, new songs, unrealeased songs, music videos, magazine releases, album reviews. Also, I'll link articles I've written as well as articles I had to write for class. My writing for the media professor said that I have to get serious for my career now. If you don't know, after college, I plan on being on the writing staff for VIBE magazine and enventually, becoming it's EIC (Editor In Chief). My goals seem big, but I'll get there. So look out for that, I'll keep you guys updated.

I am soooooo ready for bed,lol. I'm in my comfy Howard sweatpants with my quilt over my legs in my nice, soft, warm bed. I can fall asleep at aaaaany minute, lol.

Friends &&. Acquaintances...Which One Are You?

I have best friends, friends and acquaintances. Each of them have a place in my life but some are about to get rearranged.

I, personally, am going through somethings right now with school and I wrote a note about it on facebook. I was seriously contemplating dropping out of college. Some people know me as to be dramatic, but I was really serious about this. I told myself, I'll give it to the end of next semester and if I can't get my act together, then I'm out of here. I wrote the note about how I felt and I tagged people that I know would respond, as well as they would have sound advice to give. I tagged one of my bestie's and she didn't respond and shorty was on facebook. I have no problem listening to you rant and rave about how your mother is a psycho bitch, how your boyfriend is a two-timing douche bag, or how you have to watch what you do because you're trying to get down with a sorority but when it comes to me, I'm expecting the same shit from you. You're rude to me on the phone by talking to other people that are around. If you want to talk to them, go ahead, don't call me and answer to every single thing they do. I HATE that shit.

There's that saying, "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do." I love this girl to death, she is like family to me, but I'm wondering if this relationship is worth salvaging. There would be times where we would talk on the phone everyday, hang out all the time. I understand we're in college now, but there are times where I do not want to talk to her; I will let the phone ring out before picking up the phone because I just do NOT feel like dealing with her and I don't think that's good. I don't feel like talking to her about it because I'm just fed up with it.

I just know that when I come to Brooklyn after Christmas, I will see what's really good with this friendship and where she stands.

Update

So,I have a new laptop now!!!! (thank God,lol) My daddy bought it for me when I went home for Election Day

[Sidebar: Can we say Obama!?!?]

I've been really drained with school and just trying to get by. I'm trying as hard as I can to remain positive about everything. It's a bit hard but I know that things will pull through and I will get what I want.

Kevin and I are still together. We discussed the issue in the previous 2 entries. I love him very much and we have plans for our lives together. I did hurt him by what I did and that hurt me to know what I did. He forgave me and I will definitely not take my relationship for granted.

I was supposed to go to Binghamton,NY for a carnival they have annually by SUNY Binghamton. I pulled out on my friend last minute because of personal reasons (school,funds). I just feel like I should be staying here and focusing on school, since there are only about 2 1/2 weeks left until the first semester is over. My friend/cousin is VERY upset because of how things are happening and she's being real sour. Not everyone is balling like you,come on now. It's a recession, plus people have more importnat things to put their time,money and energy into. You just have to suck it up and keep it moving. You can't have everything go your way, take it from someone who is kinda spoiled.

Q-Tip's new CD, "The Renaissance" debuted Novemeber 4th and I must say it is GREAT!!!! lol, I really love it. Who can't? Check it out at http://www.imeem.com/qtip. When I went home (Brooklyn) last weekend, Kevin & I were watching him on VH1 Soul's "Soundstage."

I have an essay to write that's due tomorrow so I'm bout to get that started,lol (so sad).

Oh Well, Going Back To Del(aware)

I know, I haven't been updating lately, but everything has been so crazy. I've been really busy. Now that I have some time on my hands, I can update.

This was a very eventful weekend. I'm glad that I did a lot of things this weekend, being that this was my last weekend in Brooklyn before I go back to school. Today, I'm leaving to go to Delaware to spend time with my family. Then on Thursday, I'm leaving to go back to Howard. So I'll start my weekend from Friday

Friday: I woke up at 5:30 am to go to the YRC. We were going to go to Splish Splash that day. we got on the bus by 9:30 and got there by 10:30. I haven't been to Splish Splash (a water park in Long island) in like 5 years,lol. The last time I went, I had no one to go on any rides with me, since I was with my parents and little siblings. I had a really good time with my friends. It rained when we were about to leave and I was really glad about that because we got to go on all the rides. Me after I changed into my bathing suit. This was the first time I wore a bathing suit all summer,lol

Alley & I. She was my partna in crime for the summer. I love this girl

Me, Robert, Jess & Alex. Jess was our superviser over the summer at the YRC.

We got back at 6:15pm and I chilled at Alex's house for a bit with her peoples. Kevin lives right down the block so I went to hang out with him at his house after. We watched "Perfect Stranger" and then I fell asleep. It was a loooooong day,lol. Kevin called me a cab and I went home. I went to sleep at 1:30am.

Saturday: Mellissa woke me up with her phone call. I was glad that she was because I had a lot of things to do that day. I got ready and left my house at 9:00am. I went to the bank to cash my check. After that, I went to go get my hair done but my hair dresser wasn't in. I met up with Alex and we went to find her sneakers. After that we went to meet up with Mellissa, who was getting her hair done. I got my hair done there as well. I got there at 1:00pm and left at 3:00pm. I took a trip to Manhattan to buy an outfit. I went to 34th St. and found nothing. then I went to SoHo, hoping that I would find something for the party. I remembered that Whitney worked in SoHo, so I went to visit her and lucky me, she was about to go on her lunch break. We went to grab something to eat at Wendy's and went to Necessary Objects to see if I could find something. I get a text from Alex saying that Milly said that we are on our cardigan flow, seeing as how Milly bought a cardigan from J. Crew and Alley was wearing her cardigan from Hellz Bellz. I already had a cardigan so I went home so I can get my stuff together to go to Milly's house. I got to Milly's house at 8:00pm and we were just chilling, waiting for people to come so the party could get started [Sidebar: Saturday was Milly's going away/birthday party. My ace boon bestie is going away to SUNY Morrisville this Thursday]. It got jumping around 11:30pm, or whenever the DJ started playing reggae,lol.

Kamilah, NaNa & Vianka

Kamilah & I rocking our Hellz Bellz

Milly looking so cute,lol

Alley looking fly with her Hellz Bellz & new Nike's

We were on our cardigan flow. I love these girls. They're like my lil sisters

The Cool Kids: Lance, Kevin & Ray

Dorian (my lil brother), Najeeb & Rholan "tekking" a pose

Mellissa's cake. It was red velvet

Rholan & Alex dancing

Milly, Lance, and Ray

The party was over at 3:30 am. Me, London (Milly's friend from high school), Alex and Monica (Alex's little sister) slept over. We didn't go to bed until 5:15 am. We woke up at 10:30 and were just chilling. Alex & Monica were the first to leave. After that, I helped Mellissa pack her clothes for school. We all got ready to leave at 2:15pm. I went home to get ready for my date.

Sunday: I got home, took the quickest shower and got dressed. I had to pick Kevin up from work at 5:00pm, so I wanted to leave my house by 3:00pm so I can get my toes done before I go get him. I get out the shower and see I get a missed call from Kevin, but he was at home. He didn't go to work because he got home late from the party. I waited for him to come over so we can start our date. First, we went to Flatbush so I can get my toes done. We hopped on the bus to Atlantic to go to 42nd St. so we can have dinner at our favorite place: Olive Garden. Before we ate, we took a trip to Jamba Juice

I LOOOOOOVE Jamba Juice,lol. We (Kevin & I) were so happy when we got our Mango A Go Go,lol

Then we ate dinner. I love that chicken alfredo, hits the spot,lol. It was just real cool and relaxing. The waiter we had was a really cool guy, he took care of us and was very polite.

I wanted to take a pic. I was going for the preppy look. I think I succeded,lol

After dinner, we took the Q train to Coney Island. That was a long ride,lol. I fell asleep while we were listening to his iPod. We got off at West 8th and were just walking around on the boardwalk, talking and just enjoying each other's company. There's a pier farther down the boardwalk, where Kevin and I spent majority of our time there. We talked, told each other how much we loved each other and were just enjoying being around each other. We had a mini photoshoot

My baby, giving me a kiss. I love it,lol

My train leaves at 4:00 PM , so I've been chillin since I woke up. I do miss my family and can't wait to see them. I will miss Kevin and all my friends. I know I have to go back to school and get on my grind. I'm kind of ready and then I'm kind of not, but I just have to take everything one step at a time

Family...Or At Least What You're Considered (To Me)

Everyone has family and some people consider their very good friends as family. I am one of those people. I have big brothers (Steve, Reggie, Peter, Shanie, Day-Day), I have little sisters (Alex, Barbara, Mellissa) and I have a lil brother (Dorian). They all have a very special place in my heart and I love them very dearly. Especially for my little "siblings", I would do anything for them. If they ever needed me, I am definitely there for them.

Next Tuesday is Mellissa's graduation and I am in there. That is my girl, lol, and I CAN'T let her down. Dorian is also a senior and he graduated as well. Now, I feel that he should have told me because I would have been there with bells on for him. I call his mom mommy and she calls me her daughter. During his senior year, he was struggling to graduate. He didn't know whether or not if he was going to walk across the stage or not. So he & I were talking about it throughout his senior year and I was giving him encouraging words. He was even thinking about not going to college, but I knew that he wanted to go. Plus, I will not stand and let him be a product of his environment. I go to my homegirl's page and I see pictures of his graduation on his page. When I saw that, I was a little hurt, I won't even front. Like, why wouldn't he think that I wouldn't want to go? Or why wouldn't he think to invite me? I never expressed that I didn't want to go. I don't know, that just hit my heart.