Ms.Solo Dolo

I continue to write about this subject because it bothers me lol.

I've accepted that I will never be in the loop at Howard. I will never be in the Howard bubble. When ppl mass txt about a kickback or crazy house party, I'll never receive that txt.

I'm very under the radar. I have close to no "friends" here, but associates and I don't even really associate myself with them. The way I feel about it, I'm not gonna beg for friends or for people to hang out with me. I'm a great person, I know that. Whoever doesn't want to hang out with me, that's a major loss on your part, seriously.

TLK, Wass dat? #fam, wass dat? That shit is the pitts lol.

All I'm gonna do is focus on my school shit and graduating in May 2012.

You Gotta Believe

My mom and my sister were here a couple of hours ago, helping me move in my stuff so now my room is 80% complete.

Yesterdat was such a LONG day, I was on campus from 12 pm to 6:45 pm, going back and forth, up and down the hills to get things done. Long story short, I'M BACK BABY! I am again, a student at Howard University and I couldn't be any happier. I have all the classes I need, I don't owe the school money, talk about Ws all around.

I try not to be preachy because everyone isn't a believer. I prayed about it, thought positive thoughts about. Every time I went to campus, I spoke to everyone politely, smiled, I was polite and I kept my spirits up. It worked. When something is for you, you know it.

Positivity

I believe when one good thing happens, other good things will soon follow.

With that being saaiiid...I found a place to live! So happy, lol

Next to be conqured: school situation

Keep you posted.

Move Forward

The last post I wrote, I was going through something. ::sighs:: I'm better now. Stress and me worrying got the best of me.

School is approaching and I will be back at Howard. I'm ready. Currently looking for a place to live but I will get that situatated before classes begin.

I'm sure when I return, things will be different. I feel like I'm a loner. The majority of my followers on twitter are Howard University students and they all pretty much know each other, especially students within the same class. I don't really have a lot of people I can call friends there and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I feel left out and I've always felt that way, since high school. Everyone wants to belong, of course, but I just want to be included, thought of. I'm certain that I don't cross people's minds as someone to hang out with. I'm basically invisible on campus, in my opnion. It's too late for me to make new friends beause everyone is either 1) about to graduate or 2) already clique'd up.

I will focus on my school work, but when I want to hang out and release, I don't have much of a selection.

Green Grass

For the last... 2 years, I've been through a lot of ups and downs and it seems like they just keep on coming.

With anything I ever had, I had to bust my ass to get it.

My senior year of high school, I went through it without my family, worked hard to get good grades and to get accepted into the college of my dreams.

Since my second year of college, I've been doing my hardest to at least pass majority of my classes.

Last year, I went through the 1st half of my third year with little to no food, no money, trying to get by in my classes, crying 3-4 times a week.

I had no job for majority of this summer, so I was broke like a joke. My main thing this summer was to get a job and stack heavy so I could find a place to live off campus and not have to relive what I went through. I went HARD looking for a job and eventually, I found one.

I took the semseter off to get my money up and I did, but now I have no place to live and school starts on the 11th. So I have about less than 2 weeks to find a place to live.

Fuck it, people I know do have it better and way fucking easier than I have. I work so fucking hard and go through so much for EVERYTHING I have. Other people's lawns look way better than mine.

The only thing I want is to steadily get through life with minimal curveballs. I feel like I can't deal with this, but I have no choice but to.

Birds of A Feather

This is not about what you may think it'll be about.

I've recently saw a tweet from Tyrese saying, "So ALL of these moves I'm making is surrounding myself with Billionaires and really successful people.. So that I BECOME THEM!! You ARE the company you KEEP.. You keeping fucking with Thousandaires that's all you will EVER BE..!! " (This is word for word, btw)

Which leads me to the purpose of my entry. I love music. I'm in school for journalism. So don't I hang out with people who have similar intersts as myself? What I got from that tweet was that, I need to surround myself with journalists, people who have similar goals as me. To fuel and encourage the "fire" inside of me, I should be working with people who have the same hunger as me, who are grinding to get what they want. Funny thing is, THOSE people have realized it already. I've noticed that most of the popular journalists on my campus hang around each other, they know each other, have worked with each other. See the common thread in this?

The other side to this : music. I can sing, I choose not to. But when I riff and harmonize and hit a note perfectly, it sounds ILL to me, I get excited. I know people who can BLOW, people who deserve recognition. When I get around my friends from H.S. and we go back and forth with singing and stuff, it's so carefree and child-like, in a way. Like you're doing something that you love to do and no one can tell you anything because you're so into it and they see what it gives you. Will I do something with my voice? Not sure. I do know that I would like to explore with it, but I have to build my confidence a bit more. I'm WAY better than I was a year or 2 ago, lol. The thing that makes me hesitant about it is that I don't want anyone to say "You can't sing," when deep down, I know I have a voice.

Getting Back

The last post I wrote, it was around Thanskgiving. Got to see my family and I wasn't on the computer the whole time. I definitely needed that.

Ok, so, it's December and crunch time is approaching; finals, papers, projects. For me, it's back to school and I still have things to get together. One of the things I hate about being a procrastinator. I still got shit to sort out with school, I'm waiting to hear about the house I saw last month, I gotta rent a car to move my things from Delaware to D.C., register for classes, a lot of things. I feel a bit unprepared and overwhelemed ::sighs:: BUT, everything will work out. I fully believe that.

I do miss Howard, the people, the atmosphere and the events, but I don't miss the bullshit that comes along with it. I know when I go back, there will be some people I won't be hanging out with. Nothing personal, shit happens. I do miss being in school. While I was there, I lost sight of why I was there and that can happen. When I come back January 2011, I will have my mind right and will buss everything out. I know what needs to be done.

Yeah, I'm not graduating May 2011, I've finally come to terms with that (as long as that took). Everyone does things in their own time, at their own pace. At least I'm still in school and closer to graduation than some people. There are people that are still in college with freshman credits. Not knocking them, but hey, I got the leg up.

I'm ready; ready to come back, excell in school and get it together so I can get my career together.

Alone

No matter what anyone tells me, I'm a firm believer that I am alone. Not one person will be there for you when you need them, how you need them, at least not often. I had a conversation last night with someone who said I need to stop pushing them away and let them help me, but where was this person today? Dealing with their own issues.

I don't have a problem with that. I feel like if you want to help me take on my situations, you're going to have to be able to handle both your situations and mine.

Are there people that are there for me? Kind of. But sometimes you want someone that experienced what you're dealing with, rather than someone who understands from you telling them. There's only so much you can understand through expression.

I feel a little overwhelemed because I have a lot to do in a matter of 2 months and then it's back to my life in D.C.; that's a completely different type of being alone but I won't touch on that.

I should enjoy my time in New York and deal with these issues instead of letting them attack me from left and right. I know what I need to do. The only thing holding me back is my negativity and the past. But it's the past, it happened already. I have the power to not let it happen again. And where is negativity going to get me?

::Sighs:: Note to self: just do it

Out Of The Ordinary

I'm still feeling defeated at the fact that I'm not in school.

I like my job, get paid every week and I get along with all my coworkers. It's still taking me a while to get used to the fact that :

1 - I'm not in school

AND

2 - I won't be graduating in May 2011

I'm still confused about what I want to do with my life. Maybe this break will help me do that. I just have a lot of thoughts in my head about it, but what's done is done. I just have to work OD and stack this paper

First Day Of Clases...Wait...What?

So today is the first day of classes at Howard University and I follow quite a few of their students. At this moment right now, I won't front, I'm a bit sick about it, lol. I'm seeing tweets like:

"It's the beginning to an end"

"S/O to #2011"

"We almost out of here"

And even though I am happy for the people that are ACTUALLY seniors and that will ACTUALLY graduate, there's something inside of me that feels like a failure. I'm here in New York, working while my peers are in D.C., on the road to graduation. People go at their own pace, I know, but it's taking me a while to accept it.

I wonder if people will wonder why I'm not there. Not that I care, but I already have the idea in my head about the people I used to be cool with and I'm pretty sure they won't even notice. If they ask me about my whereabouts, they're getting straight ignored, because they never gave a damn before, so why the hell you trying to be concerned now? Yall just being nosy, at this point and I won't give them the satisfation.

My new expected graduation date is 2012. As long as I graduate, right?

New Year, New Start

You definitely don't have to wait until a new year to have a new start, but why not? lol

I'm nervous to start this semester. I haven't felt this way about classes since Fall 07 when I was a freshman, lol. I got alot going on, a lot to ride and I'm just going to keep it positive. I also hope I get a refund check, oooooohhh WEE, that would be a treat, lol. I wouldn't even use it on myself though, I would get books and pay off my phone bill with it. But still, it would go to good use.

I came up with an idea for Kevin's birthday, lol. It's in June but I do need all that time to prepare. I'm not even gonna unravel it for yall, I gotta keep it a secret, lol. But each year, I do it bigger. For his 20th, I bought him his favorite, an ice cream cake, I took him out to dinner and I treated him to a movie. For his 21st, I threw him a surprise get together. For the 22nd, use your imagination, lol.

I'm feeling cool, just taking everything one day at a time. That's the most I can do :)

Bored

Bored on a Saturday night. Yup, story of my life, lol.

I'm just chilling right now under my quilt, watching TV. I would go out but
1) I'm broke

and

2) I'm not really feeling it

My stomach is about to eat itself and I can't rip myself away from the bed, it's nice and warm, lol. I'll give in eventually.

See that I changed up the blog? Yeah, the blue motif was real blahh and depressed. I've made the decision to not go natural after 5 months of not getting a perm. I just can't take it. I don't know what to do with my hair anymore. I'm tired of wearing hats, it's getting old. So I'll be getting a perm when I go home to Brooklyn. Then I'm gonna chop it up for a short style, about up to my chin. Yup, lol.

Nothing really going on with my life other than school. I've been looking for a job and I'm still looking. I'm keeping positive about it. I've gotten through this far and I'm just taking things one day at a time.

I'm attempting to make my way back to blogging, as you can see. I'm also going to start to vlog once in a while. I don't have any editing skills/programs so it's just gonna come to you as you see it, lol

Well, Well, Well

Look who's decided to blog. lol, ::sighs:: I've been so busy, plus my life has been so uneventful. I honestly feel like I don't have anything to blog about so that's why the posts haven't been so frequent.

A lil update I guess: I'm working but I hate  it. But you know what? I'm giving them my two weeks notice this week so I just gotta deal with these people for a couple of weeks.

I'm ready to go back to school and start my life on a new slate. I'm going in on all levels, lol, academically and socially. Plus I'm moving into my new house soon and I am excited about that. I'm living with my best friend Lauren, my homie Brittany (bflare.blogspot.com) , my girl Melody and 1 of my favs, Kelson. I knew the girls since freshmen year and we been friends since so that won't be a problem, living with them. I just met Kelso my sophomore year and I love him! lol. That house will be great and I can't wait to see what my junior year holds.

Yeah, I'm a junior in college. Those 2 years flew by QUICK, it's so crazy, lol. Next thing you know, I'm going to be graduating. It's kinda scary how fast everything went, but it puts me in perspective to do better in the future and enjoy everything when I can. 

I guess that's it. I'm going to make another blog about friends later. I really don't have the time or energy to write about that now, lol

So Out Of It

Yesterday was my birthday, I'm 20 years old. ::unenthusiastically:: yippee.

I'm just so out of it right now. I'm just thinking about school and this house I'm supposed to move into. I haven't looked at my grades because I'm afraid of what it will tell me: if I'm still a student at Howard or not. I don't want to think negatively, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about everything, but it's just so hard. With this house, I'm filling out this rental application and I have NOTHING to show. I have no job, no source of income, NO MONEY, no nothing. I'm just hoping that the landlord knows that this is what he's getting into with college students. Then this shit is due by friday and my dad and I just started talking about it today. He's giving me the money for the security deposit and I'm so grateful for that because I have nothing. Then, I'm wondering if I should stay in Delaware to work or should I come to NY like I said I would and promised everyone I was coming home, but making money is more important, honestly. I dunno how the job market is back in NY, but I'll take anything, that McDonald's money isn't too bad when you tryna make some quick money. I know, I've worked there before.

::sighs:: I don't know too much of anything at this point. I'm just confused and I don't like feeling confused.

Home Sweet Home

Yes, I am home. I left Howard today and I'm home in Delaware. I'm so glad, lol. Just get a break from school and stuff. It went by really quickly, it's kinda scary. Next thing you know it'll be me sitting on the yard at my commencement.

I probably will vlog either on my birthday or later in the week. I want to vlog, had fun doing my first one.

Um, oh yeah, my birthday is on tuesday, I'll be 20 years old (yikes). Lol, I'll probably get some cards from my fam and most likely I'll buy something for myself since my birthday gift from my mom was keeping me in school and my dad's gift is probably the security deposit he's giving me for the house. At least when I get home, I know my babes is gonna go all out for his girl.

I'm just enjoying the time I'll be here because as soon as I get to NY, I will be hitting the pavement.

I Am TOO Through

I'm done with Meridian (My dorm). I gotta get the FUCK outta here.

I swear, people have no manners nor any consideration. Ok, it's 2 PM, so what? Why, WHYYYY must you blast your music as if your room is a car and the hallway is outside? Like, what the fuck, seriously. I asked my dad to come get me on Monday but sheit, I might have to call him back and ask him to get me on Friday, fuck the bullshit. I'm just thoroughly pissed with these bitches that live on this floor.

Yeah.....I'm about to ask whoever it is to turn this shit down, dead ass.

Being here makes me sick, UGH

Scattered Thoughts

I just wanted to vent a bit.

Kevin's getting on my nerves, we argued again last night. Things were going so good too. I'm not talking to him right now. Maybe we need some space from talking to each other. Because of this situation, I am jamming HARD to "How Does It Feel" by Keri Hilson. I'm not in that situation, but some of the words I can relate to.

I have a term paper to do (it's due tomorrow). I'm starting it now so I don't have to pull an all nighter. THAT is not going to do down, lol. It's supposed to be 8 to 10 pages, but check this out: This is my first term paper since I been to Howard. Crazy right? I know.

My lil brother turns 8 today. He's getting so big, it's crazy.

Ok, I'm off to bang this paper out.

It's Been A While

It really has, lol.

I just had nothing to write about since the last entry.

Well, April is here and classes are almost over (yay!!). My last day of classes are on the 23rd. I'm not sure when finals are, but I know I'll be in Delaware for like 2 weeks, then I'm going to NY for the rest of my summer. Next week is the Howard/Hampton Cabaret, an event that Howard, Hampton and other VA college students look forward to. Unfortunately, I won't be there to partake in the festivities. My aunt is having her 50th birthday party and my family is coming from Del to go to NY. The party depends on my aunt's surgery (she has breast cancer) and even if she doesn't have the party, my mom might come to NY regardless. My mom has NEVER shown interest in coming back to NY since she left, lol. I hope comes though, I miss my mommy.

As of lately (middle of march), I don't call any of my friends from back home. I don't call majority of my friends anyway, but the usual suspects that I do talk to, I just STOPPED calling them. I don't know, it makes things easier. I'm not worrying about people's feelings because I didn't call them and stuff. Even Whitney, who I speak to the most, I haven't spoken to since like March. I don't know, it's so easy to not pick up the phone and call people. I'm so wrapped up in my own world that I just don't take the effort to see how other people are doing. Is it wrong that I don't have a problem with that?

Spring is here, the weather is getting warmer and what better time to change my wardrobe than now? I'm trying to incorporate more colors and more of a variety. I always stick to my usual staples: t-shirt, jeans and kicks but one can only get so tired of the same routine. I want to go outside my comfort zone, sport some dresses and more shorts, tank tops and things of that sort. Wish me luck on this because lord knows I tend to stay in my lil box when it comes to clothes, lol.

For the month of April, I'm not eating fast food. It's the 7th and I've been doing well so far. I'm hoping to keep this going. If I have the urge, I'm trying to eat Subway in substitute for like McDonalds or Burger King. Wish me luck! lol

Feeling Good, Feeling Great

Feeling Great, Feeling Good, how are you?

lol, ye-yah, I haven't written in a minute. I had nothing to write about, honestly. I been doing my school thing and when I come back from spring break, I'm probably going to take a break from the internet to get tighten my schoolwork up.

Oh yeah, I'm on spring break right now, lol. I came to Delaware to spend time with the fam and tomorrow I'll be making my way to Brooklyn. I can't wait. I'll blog about that because I always enjoy myself when I come back home. BTW, my 21 month old sister is the cutest, but she's too grown, lol. She's speaking a lil bit, repeating things my lil sister says and it's just adorable as hell, lol. I miss my baby MUCHO, lol. Can't wait to see him tomorrow when I pull into the train station. My mom is a trip. Today she asked me if me and Kevin broke up. I'm like,no why? I found it funny because it's nothing like that at all. She said she asked that because I haven't said a word about him since I got home. I mean, me and my pookie are fantastic, nothing new to mention about us.

I'm starting to think that I have a shopping addiction. I've just been thinking about shopping when I come back home (to Brooklyn). I need to kick that habit because times are about to be harder than they were, but I can do it!

I will be vlogging, I've made the decision to do it so when I do, I'll let yall know where to find 'em.

My bestie Lauren put me on to Keri Hilson's remix to Soulja Boy's "Turn My Swag On" and I like it. Personally, I've been down with Keri Hilson since 2007 when I heard her on Timbaland's "Shock Value," so if she dissed Beyonce or not, I don't care, Ms.Hilson has talent, but that's just my opinion, lol.

turn my swag on (dime divas remix) - keri hilson


OH YEAH, I reeeaaallllyyyy appreciate the new followers, as well as the old ones. I'm actually happy that my blog amuses some people and thank you! lol

Procrastination

is NOT key. Whoever told you it is lied to you,lol. I hate procrastinating, but I do it anyway. I've been putting school work and projects off since I was in 4th grade. My mom always says, "You like to wait until the last minute." I do it and know what will be the outcome. I'm either pulling an all nighter or I don't do the assignment. I can't afford to procrastinate, my education is on the line (literally).

If anyone has any tips on how to cease procrastination, please let me know.

Back to writing a midterm that was due last week...